


When you're ready to know it

by L_Miss_Sunshine



Series: When you're ready to know it [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confusion, Dependency, F/F, Relationship Issues, Sanvers - Freeform, Trust Issues, eventual supercorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-10-10 04:09:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 27,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10428798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Miss_Sunshine/pseuds/L_Miss_Sunshine
Summary: After breaking up with Mon-El, Kara is confronted with her inability of having relationships. She turns to another lonely friend, finding something unexpected. Meanwhile Alex is struggling with some very inappropriate thoughts that make her question her relationship with Kara. (Supercorp, Sanvers and also Kalex).





	1. A Start

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy, I've got some serious emotional roller-coaster for you :) I tried to let it be just Supercorp and Sanvers, but I couldn't help myself, I needed to mix it with a bit of Kalex (don't like it, don't read it, I mean it, please don't complain about it, there are people who ship em and people who don't, please respect that).  
> Have fun!

"Obviously there's something wrong with me, he's a great guy, they're all great guys, why am I shoving away all the great guys?" Kara said, getting herself another glass of red wine. By now, she'd almost finished the bottle on her own.

"I thought alcohol has no effect on you?" Maggie asked, unable to keep her mouth shut on this and maybe she also wanted to change the mood a bit.

"It doesn't. It's hopeless just like my love live."

"Who are you and what did you do to my sister?" Alex asked, finally putting the bottle away. "That's not you Kara, losing hope like that. You just haven't found the right guy yet, there's nothing wrong with being picky."

"That's what I've told you all along Alex, remember? And now look at you, you're happy! You're gay, you couldn't find the right guy because there is no guy for you..."

That was the moment when Maggie bit her cheek to suppress the smile that had been wanting to grow for the last couple of minutes. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

"Maybe I'm gay too..." Kara whispered. She seemed light years away, thinking about everything in a different way for the first time. "How did you know?"

"I uh... uhm..." Alex stumbled over her train of thoughts. Kara Zor-El being gay was the oddest image she ever created. Her whole life, at least, all of the time she knew the blonde, she'd always been sure of one thing and that was Kara being super straight. Except for the clothes, of course, Kara's boyish way of dressing... she'd never thought about that, but now, it kinda made sense.

"You'll know it, when you're ready to know it Kara." was all Maggie said, leaving the blonde in complete confusion. "Also, you're going through a fresh break up, no wonder you're in doubt. You may or not be gay, but this shouldn't be of any focus now. What is important is that you surround yourself with people that care about you, people you trust. Stay focused on what you do and what you have right now, never on what you could have. And that's free advice from someone who has been through a lot of shit."

Maggie's words hung in the air, leaving all of them in thoughts. Kara whispered a quick thank you, finally shoving her wine away before standing up.

"I think I should leave."

"Are you sure? You can stay, if you like." Alex answered, standing up as well.

"Yes... I should leave you two to... you know... be as adorable as you are." she chuckled.

Suddenly her phone rang and a quick look at the display made her heart skip a beat. In a good way.

"Mon-El?" Alex asked with a worried face.

"No, it's...uh... it's Lena."

Kara's eyes were still focused on her display so she didn't see Alex and Maggie exchanging a knowing look. Kara had been talking about Lena a lot lately, so much, Alex was starting to get really jealous for some reason.

"Mind if I take the balcony?"

"Since when do you ask?" Alex replied, wrapping her arms around her sister.

"Thanks for the evening and the advice... you were right Maggie, I should focus on what I have and I have the most amazing friends."

A second later she was out of the window, leaving the lovers in silence.

"So... she went to see Lena..." Maggie said with a smile, leaning over the kitchen counter to have a better look at her girlfriend.

"Yeah, but she came here first. That means Titanic tonight." Alex giggled, giving Maggie the kiss she'd been dying to get ever since they entered the flat. With Kara being around, they agreed on not acting out the greatness of their love.

"Oh I wasn't thinking about the bet, actually, I'm pretty relieved she's finally getting it."

"Getting what?"

"That she's head over heels for Lena Luthor. It's about time."

"Wait, no, Kara isn't gay, I know her, I mean of all people, I would know. She's maybe dressing like... sometimes... but no, she's not gay and certainly not crazy for Lena Luthor."

"Right... I bet she is and if I'm right, I get tiramisu, everyday for a week."

"God, that's … gross... you really are... okay if I win and Kara's not with her by the end of the week, means Sunday, you'll have to watch all Star Wars movies in a row with me."

"Deal" Maggie answered, grinning to herself at the win-win-situation she just got herself in. She loved Star Wars and she surely loved Alex Danvers.

 

 

 

 

Lena Luthor did what she always did after a hard day of work: Sitting at her table and drowning in the massive amount of work ahead of her. She wanted one night off, one single night a year, her night, and she wanted to spend it with the one person she ever felt at ease with.

Kara and her had been sending each other massages on a regular basis ever since the last incident with her mother. She'd been hurt and Kara just had a way of making it better, something she could not really put her finger on, but she loved every second of it.

A quick look at her cell phone later, she felt miserable, for the blonde hadn't answered yet. She'd asked her to spend the evening together, a night out and now she was starting to feel nervous and stupid for asking in the first place. It had been half an hour by now and she never took that long to answer.

A hesitating knock on her door left her shocked for a moment, but it was probably her secretary that intended to go home. After all, it was already late and most of her employees had been gone.

"Come in." she yelled. She was unable to hide her smile when a familiar blonde head peeked into her office.

"Hey." Kara said, mimicking her smile and it grew just a bit shinier when she saw Lena standing up, wearing one of her usual working outfits, but Kara thought it was stylish and fitting in every possible way.

"Kara, always a pleasure to see you. I'm glad you decided to meet me tonight. Would be awfully boring without you."

"Yeah, I could not let that happen, can I? Leave you to a boring night, I mean. We're young, we should go out, have a good time and I mean I couldn't think of anyone else to spend the night with. In a good way, I mean you... I couldn't think of better company." she rambled, crinkling her forehead again, a nervous habit.

Lena was smirking while she grabbed her jacket and turned of the lights, leaving them in dim light. Kara saw her coming closer, thinking Lena was about to give her a hug, so she didn't move away. Instead she stood before her, looking confused, but also amused by the blonde.

"So, what're we waiting for?" Lena smiled and Kara let out a breathy, nervous laugh before stepping back into the hall.

"Is there anything in particular you'd like to do?"

"I don't know about you, but I could use a drink." Lena said, taking Kara's hand to drag her into the elevator.

 

 

 

 

"Hey, earth to Danvers, I'm trying to seduce you here." Maggie said, almost pouting a bit. She'd stripped down to her underwear before straddling the agent, who'd been sitting on the couch for the past thirty minutes, lost in thoughts about her sister. Kara never mentioned the possibility of her being gay and something about the fact she'd done tonight bothered her.

"I'm sorry, Maggie, I was in thoughts..."

"Yeah, I could tell... is this about Kara and Lena?"

"No, duh. Come here, you look breathtakingly beautiful. Is this new?" she rose her hand to touch the soft fabric off Maggie's bra.

"I bought it yesterday, stop changing the subject."

"To be fair it is quite hard to think of anything other than touching and loving you if you're dressed like this." She whispered, kissing the skin of her collarbone while wrapping her arms around Maggie's fragile form. The detective decided to save the conversation for later, she could think of better things to do.

Alex loved kissing her girlfriend, she loved the soft moans that left Maggie's mouth when she rid her off her bra, but her mind couldn't stop thinking "what if". What if her sister really was gay, would that change anything? Would it change them? Would it suddenly matter that they weren't real sisters and just as she asked that to herself she knew. She knew it would change the way she felt and acted around the blonde, because deep down Alex had always known that some things she felt around her weren't quite right.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, letting go of Maggie's nipple. She couldn't do that, she couldn't think like that while being with Maggie. She couldn't think like that at all. "I can't do this now."

Maggie's hands found her cheeks, slowly bringing her face to look at her. Alex could see disappointment in her eyes, but more than anything it was the worried look that made her heart ache.

"I'm sorry Maggie, this has nothing to do with you. I'm just not..."

"It's ok. Just tell me if there is someone else, cause I couldn't stand being lied to again."

"I would never cheat on you Maggie, god, I would never want to loose you. Please don't be worried, I'm just not in the mood." she said, slowly pulling her girlfriend close to kiss her on the lips.

"Okay..." Maggie whispered against her lips, shivering under the cold air of the room. "It's titanic then."


	2. Exploration

"We just didn't... he was..." Kara exhaled, not wanting to look at the brunette, because looking at her tonight did something to her that she couldn't neither ignore, nor handle.

"He was just being Mo...Mike..., selfish, childish, impetuous... he's just not able to face a situation or... a problem for that matter. I don't need that. I need someone who's... I don't know, reasonable? Maybe? Someone who's able to face the situation with calmness, someone who's holding me back for a change, who can calm me down and makes me feel at ease. I'm just not willing to be with someone I have to care about all the time, who puts himself in danger, every time out of complete and utter stupidity."

"Sounds like a lot frustration." Lena answered. She noticed the way Kara avoided looking at her and it made her feel a bit worried. Something clearly changed between them, but she didn't know what it was. Kara had been complaining about Mike for a total of twenty minutes by now and it didn't look like she'd be finished anytime soon. Of course, her strange behaviour could just be rooted in the pain that comes along with a breakup. Maybe, it wasn't about her at all and Kara would get back to be normal once she'd be over it.

"I'm sorry things went so bad for you... you deserve to be happy and you deserve someone that supports you in every possible way."

"I don't want someone to be perfect either and certainly I don't want someone always saying yes to me, no matter what it is."

"You want a lot of things..."

"I know, I'm sorry I'm bothering you with this Lena..."

"Don't be. That's what friends are for, right? I just think you would maybe feel better appreciating what you already have rather than craving what you don't have..."

"Strange... I hear that a second time today. And I still think it's a good thing, but..."

"No one said it would be easy."

They stayed in silence, occasionally nipping at their drinks. They'd gone to a cocktail bar next to the L-Corp headquarters that Lena apparently liked to go to. Kara liked the place too. It was crowded, but not too crowded and she loved the soft Jazz-music in the background. With Lena she felt a great deal better.

"God, these drinks are strong." Lena said, rubbing her eyes before putting the drink back down. "Are you drunk too?"

"What? No, I... I can drink a lot... you wanna go home?"

"No" Lena smiled, softly taking Kara's hand into hers. "I was just thinking about having a dance with you."

"What? No, I... I'm not a good dancer..." Kara shyly answered, but Lena was already on her feet.

"Please, have this dance with me." she said, coming closer in an instant. She was leaning at the bar counter with one arm, close to where Kara's shoulder was.

Having the CEO that close to her made her feel a bit dizzy as if she'd just realized how beautiful the brunette was. Also, she smelled so good, even after a long day at the office.

Lena pulled at her hand, eventually pulling her down from the bar stool. With a chuckle, Kara followed her to the dance floor.

It was slow bar jazz and she felt Lena's left hand wander around her waist, the other holding Kara's left hand up. Luckily, Kara and Alex had been taking dance lessons in High school and Kara always loved thinking back to it. Alex had always insisted to take the lead and Kara happily agreed, whenever they got to dance together. Alex was a wonderful dancer, tender and caring, just like she's always been. A strange craving tugged at her heart. She occasionally felt that sometimes and she did what she always did, she shoved it into the back of her heart, to the place where she used to put all those feelings and thoughts about Alex that simply overstrained her.

"Your thoughts are a million light years away, aren't they?" Lena asked with a smile. "You're thinking about Alex."

"What? How do you know?"

"You always smile like that when you're talking about her. You cannot fool me." she answered, slowly spinning them around to avoid an other couple colliding with them.

"I know, it's just. We took dance lessons together. It's a happy memory and now I gain another happy dance-memory with you and I do appreciate that Lena. I appreciate you."

"Wow... you know... I think that is the most wonderful thing anyone ever said to me on my birthday. Thanks Kara."

"Wait, it's your birthday?"

Lena smiled and nodded, keeping them from colliding with the next couple. "

"Well then... happy birthday Lena... I'm so glad to spend it with you."

"The pleasure is all mine."

 

 

 

 

Maggie had fallen asleep with her head on her girlfriend's shoulder midway through the movie and Alex was relieved in a way that scared her to hell. She didn't know how to explain it to her, explain the undeniable and yet the unthinkable. Things had been manageable all the way, knowing there couldn't be any way for Kara to like her back like that. Alex tried to tell herself that nothing had changed. It had just been a wild assumption made by her emotionally confused little sister, who went through a breakup. Maggie couldn't be right and she would win the bet. She was 28 years old and she lived a long time denying the fact she was attracted to Kara and she would deny it for the rest of her life. Maggie was her future, Maggie was where she belonged.

She switched off the TV and kissed her girlfriend on the forehead before lifting her into her arms to take her to bed.

"Danvers?"

"Yes love?"

"You're stronger than you look. I like that." she murmured, head rested on Alex's shoulder. Her sleepy voice probably was the cutest thing the agent ever heard.

"You missed dying DiCaprio."

"Thank god!"

And with a chuckle Alex threw a screaming Maggie onto the bed, slowly starting to forget about the haunting feeling that she'd shoved back into it's everlasting chamber of secrets that nobody would ever get to know about.

 

 

 

 

"That was... the most beautiful night... birthday..."

"Night-birthday?"

"Just... just birthday. The most wonderful birthday night of my life." Lena chuckled, with a radiating smile that made Kara feel unbelievably happy.

"You're drunk." she said, watching Lena dancing around a street lamp like a little kid.

"Drunk I am. I'm surprised you're not."

"I told you, I can drink a lot."

"Look at the stars Kara. Aren't they beautiful." Lena whispered. She took a hold on the bench of a bus stop while watching the sky.

"I still can't believe there are aliens Kara, real aliens living among us. Stars and planets and so much more to see out there... I have to ask Supergirl about them when I get to see her again. I'm sure she knows beautiful things about the universe..."

Kara smiled, getting closer to her. She wanted to tell her so badly, wanted to answer every question and show her the real Kara. A part of her almost did in that moment, but she hesitated and instead watched the brunette, probably for the first time really closely that night. Whatever it had been that scared her earlier was gone and she just wanted to get closer.

"Don't tell me you don't like stars... Supergirl..." Lena whispered, swinging against the blonde just a bit, watching the surprise of getting caught in Kara's eyes, a look that confirmed it to her.

"What're you talking about Lena?" Kara tried, a last attempt to rescue what was lost already.

"You can't fool me Kara. I see you. I'm not just looking at you, but I see you and the wonderful being you are, with or without glasses..." Lena whispered, slowly getting closer, maybe a bit too close and Kara didn't know what exactly it was she was so nervous about.

"With or without the cape."

With those last words Lena wrapped her arms around her waist to pull her closer and placed a forceful, but longing single kiss to Kara's lips. It was over before Kara knew it happened.

"Good night. Have a save flight home." Lena whispered before turning around, leaving a shocked Kara behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...to be continued. Hope you stay with me, I'm planning on doing a multi chapter story again (boy, I told myself to not do that again, this fandom makes me question my good new year's resolutions...)


	3. Secrets

Kara was tempted to fly over to Alex before work, but she already had "walked" in on her and Maggie a few days ago and she was very sure she didn't want to see that again. Mostly, because she knew she shouldn't witness something like that and somehow she felt bad for liking to see Alex differently. It was a hidden side of Alex, something she didn't have access to even though they knew each other completely, better than anyone could ever know someone else, they loved each other and it bothered her to know that Maggie had something with Alex that she could never have. A silly thought, thoroughly odd, confusing and hurting all at once. She shoved the thought away, telling herself she just feared losing her to Maggie and she knew that could never happen.

So it was Thursday morning and she was late for work, mostly because she spend a lot time overthinking that stupid kiss she and Lena shared the night before. It had been a drunk kiss between friends, simple as that, no need to overthink it, but she still wanted to discuss it with Alex.

"Little Danvers, it's about time." Maggie said, turning around to Kara, who gained access to the crime scene through her reporter badge.

"What do we have?"

"A dead alien, what else, never gets old. She got stabbed by... a very large sewer pipe. We've got evidence the murderer escaped through the drain."

"Alright... uh...that's all we've got?" Kara asked. Her eyes found Alex talking to a police officer next to them.

"For now yes. I'm going to talk to Mon-El... see if he observed anything at the bar, so you don't have to do that."

"Thanks Maggie." Kara was relieved. She could not take another round of Mon-El's sad puppy eyes begging her to take him back. It had been rough three days since the breakup and it did hurt her too.

"Hey, how was your date with Lena?" Maggie asked, instantly gaining a reproachful look from Alex, who just turned around to talk to them.

"Date? Wha...no it certainly wasn't... a date. Yesterday was her birthday and I didn't want her to celebrate all by herself... no date at all." she said with one of her nervous chuckles. "Hey, Alex, are you okay?"

"Huh? Uh, yes, I didn't get much sleep last night to be honest..."

"Ahhh right, I don't think I need details about that."

"Not what you think... it's... uh the full... the full moon."

"Yeah, you've always had issues with that I remember! Mom bought us really thick dark curtains to keep the light out of the room and Alex still couldn't sleep." Kara started to explain, but she saw Maggie's worried expression and instantly knew, something was wrong between them.

"Alright then, I'm better heading to the bar. See you later Danvers." Maggie said, turning to leave without another word.

"Wow... something's off... did you two have a fight?"

"No, not really, actually it's nothing, really..."

"Are you sure? If you need to talk..."

"Thanks Kara, I'm okay. How about you?"

"Fine... fine... except for the fact that Lena knows I'm Supergirl and she kissed me... last night?"

"She did what?"

 

 

 

 

Lena Luthor woke up with the headache of the century. She wasn't quite sure how she got into her bed but as soon as she opened her eyes she was sure about one thing: She'd kissed Kara and accused her of being Supergirl. Actually, to say it's an accusation would not entirely fit, because she just knew it was the truth. So she'd kissed Supergirl and ran away without even waiting for a proper response and now it was too late.

During breakfast and all the way up to her office, surrounded by hundreds of people wanting something from her, she thought about how to face Kara Danvers again without looking like an idiot.

She thought about writing a message and at lunchtime she was almost ready to do it, but chickened out at the last moment. That was not her, she wasn't being Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp, a hard-working, tough and fearless business woman. She was just Lena, that lonely girl, who was too afraid of being refused.

It was shortly after dawn when she finally found the courage to do something about this situation. She took her jacket and left the building, determined to save her only real friendship.

 

 

 

 

"Quick, Maggie will be here in twenty minutes. Tell me everything I need to know!" Alex said, while she hurriedly tried to take off her jacket and her shoes.

"Why exactly is it so important to keep this from Maggie? She's my friend too and more importantly, she is your girlfriend. Why don't you tell me what's wrong with you first?" Kara asked. Alex seemed nervous and tired, almost sick. Whatever was going on in her head had made her suffer the whole day. Hunting the pipe-killer and having Maggie freezing her off simply seemed to be enough for her.

"I can't... talk about this Kara." she said with an agonized voice, burying her head into her hands. "Maggie thinks I'm having someone else, which is definitely not true! I would never... see it's just... lately I've been thinking things I'm not supposed to think... I guess? And I can't tell... anybody."

"You can tell me Alex..."

"No Kara... I can't. I just can't ever tell anyone. If you're completely honest with yourself, you have that sort of a secret too... everyone has something that's completely hidden, something you barely can stand knowing yourself."

Kara was taken aback by these words. Sure she knew this situation, better than she'd like to admit. The hidden truth about her feelings for Alex had been buried so deep, she knew she'd never tell anyone, simply because she couldn't stand knowing it herself. To know Alex had a secret like that too made her curious. She began thinking "What if" for the first time. What if Alex had those desires too?

"I see..." was all she could say. She couldn't stand the thoughts that were threatening to cloud her mind and simply locked them away. She would never think about it again and she would never question the nature of their relationship.

"It will pass... I know it. I've just been thinking a lot, but I reminded myself that thinking doesn't change anything. I have to accept it and I will. I will talk to Maggie... explain it to her."

"You will tell her, but you won't tell me?"

"I will tell her exactly what I've told you Kara. That's all she needs to know. That's all I can tell her."

Alex's figure was a small bundle of pain, sitting at the dining table. For a second they didn't dare to say anything, both still hanging on their thoughts, just a few more seconds before locking them up again.

Kara's thoughts went back to Lena. She wondered if she had a secret like that too? She seemed to be so lonely that Kara wondered if she ever had someone to share her secrets with. Sure, Kara had Alex, from the very beginning it had been natural for her to share things with her sister and know she'd have someone to understand her. Even now that they couldn't even talk about their secrets, they still understood each other. Kara felt comfort, that kind of comfort only Alex could give her, and she went to sit next to her.

"Hey, look at me Alex. Whatever happens, I will never judge you. If you feel that you cannot tell me that secret, it's okay, but please don't think that there would be a reason to be shamed of anything. Off all things, I don't want shame to separate us..."

"Kara, nothing can separate us, I will never let that happen..."

The moment seemed to stand still and Kara felt that familiar tug at her heart and she wondered, "what if" again. What if she'd kiss-

The doorbell rang, taking them out of the moment and the next thing Kara knew was that she just couldn't believe she'd been thinking about kissing... she couldn't even finish that thought.

"I'll go get the door." Alex said, leaving Kara to herself and the shock of the moment.

"Hi Maggie... and... uh... Lena?"

"I was just about to see Kara, sorry if I crashed a party or something?" Lena's voice echoed from the hallway and for a second Kara was in complete shock. She just couldn't get a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... to be continued. I wanted to start writing a Supercorp/Sanvers story... turns out it's more Kalex than anything else, shame on me ;) But hey, the characters want what they want, I can't influence that ...


	4. Trust

The four of them had been sitting around the dining table for around twenty minutes and Kara simply could not stand the awkwardness of the situation. Things were icy between Alex and Maggie, who was having simple small talk with Lena, whose fingers kept nervously tipping her glass while she avoided looking at Kara. Alex avoided looking at her too and so she felt like an invisible version of herself. She was confused, but happy to see Lena. The woman was so busy with work that it was indeed some kind of a miracle to see her out of the office twice a week.

"Sooo... uh... Lena. Are you hungry? We actually wanted to have Chinese takeout tonight." Maggie asked.

"Actually, I think I may head home. It wasn't my intention to crash your evening like that."  
"Nonsense, the more the merrier. How about the two of you go to the chinese restaurant and Alex and I buy beer and snacks at the supermarket?"

Five minutes later Kara left the building through her actual main entrance, something she didn't do a lot. Maggie and Alex went around the corner a few seconds later and she was worried for them. Whatever went through Alex's head seemed to slowly destroy the good thing they had and even though Kara had to admit she was a bit jealous of the closeness between them, she'd never want Alex to be in pain.

"That were the most awkward twenty minutes of my life." Lena simply said, watching the blonde staring at the corner where Alex and Maggie's vanished out of her sight.

"Mine too."

Kara finally turned around and instantly felt herself blushing under Lena's gaze. "As awkward as things are right now... I'm glad you're here."

"Me too." Lena smiled back, the makeup of the day slowly faded on her face, but she looked just as beautiful as always. Kara noticed the brunette probably had what people would call a hangover.

"So... about last night..." Lena started, still looking at the blonde. The confidence she showed simply made Kara nervous, knowing where this would probably head to.

"You don't have to apologize, all is fine, people drunkenly kiss people sometimes, no big deal." she said, gesturing in her usual nervous habit.

"Good, cause I was really worried you would withdraw and I didn't know what I'd do without you..."

"Don't be silly Lena, you're never gonna get rid of me." Kara answered, grabbing Lena's arm to pull her into the direction of the restaurant.

"About the other thing..."

"I'll keep it a secret until my dying day... supergirl."

 

 

 

Alex and Maggie walked in silence, neither of them knowing what to say or were to start. This whole situation was new, they'd always been able to share things, even after the worst fights, always finding their way back to each other but this time, things were so different. It's wasn't just some stupid thing that came between them, things that happen when you're getting to know each other. It was only about Alex.

"Look, I get you cannot tell me everything, people have secrets, it's ok. What I don't understand is why it's standing between the two of us?"

"Really? You wanna discuss this in the supermarket?" Alex asked, getting a cart.

"I'm not getting back into the awkwardness we just escaped from!"

"Yeah, that... truly were some awkward twenty minutes..."

"The worst."

The couple made their way through the vegetable section. They'd been in this supermarket a million times and Alex appreciated the habit of them shopping together.

"I'm sorry..."

"You've said that dozens of times in the last twenty four hours Alex."

"It's because I mean it. There's nothing I want more than to be with you." she said, lowering her voice a bit when an old lady shot them a disgusted look.

"Yes, she's my girlfriend, got a problem with that?" Maggie asked, her temper letting her seem like an almighty goddess to Alex. Things like that happened occasionally and while Alex wasn't particularly good at defending her honour, Maggie was a professional at it.

"I love it when you do that!" she whispered, gaining a smile from Maggie, who failed to look serious.

"Just give me time... I'm lost in thoughts, questioning myself and the decisions I make, but I'm sure of one thing and that is my love for you." she said taking Maggie's face into her hands to kiss her. She felt her girlfriend smiling against her lips when their arms reached around the other. None of them cared for their surroundings. All that mattered was the confession both of them had wanted to make a million times before. When Maggie withdrew, she leaned her forehead against Alex's, whispering what Alex had been dying to hear for months.

"I love you too."

 

 

 

 

"Okay, how did you do this?" Kara asked, following Lena out of the restaurant.

"Let's call it my secret superpower."

"No I mean it! I've been ordering there for years and I never got what she'd been saying, I mean like never and she said it a billion times over, how did you do that?"

"You really wanna know?" Lena asked, stopping to look at the blonde's flushed face. Exited Kara simply was adorable and the CEO decided to go a step further, slowly leaning in to whisper her answer into the blonde's ear.

"I guessed."

Kara's chuckle felt like music in her ears. They stayed close, watching each other smile for a moment.

Both of them thought back to the night before and even though Lena had been drunk, she very well remembered the feeling of Kara's lips and she felt tempted to try it again, but she knew better. They were friends and she wouldn't lose that for a quick bit of luck, because that was what happened to her everytime she got close to someone. It was just a matter of time until she'd be alone again.

"Hey Lena?"

"Yes Kara?"

"I just wanted you to know... it's Kara Zor-El." she whispered, noticing how close they were, but she didn't feel uncomfortable.

"That is a nice name." Lena whispered back, shivering slightly under a cold breeze. Kara's hands rose to rub the brunette's arms, but she found herself in a hug instead.

"Thank you for trusting me... Kara Zor-El..."


	5. Acceptance

"Never have I ever kissed a girl." Maggie said, almost spilling out her beer when Kara and Lena both drank too.

"You knew about this?" she asked Alex, who just shrugged it off. Kara hadn't told her anything about the kiss so far, only that it happened. At least she didn't have to find out about it by playing a stupid game for teenagers.

"Seems like we have more in common than we thought." Lena chuckled. She enjoyed this way too much. She'd been alone for too long, she realized. With Kara and her friends, time seemed to flow in a rush of happiness.

"Little Danvers, welcome to the club. Come on, let me hear the story." Maggie said with a smile when she saw the blonde blushing.

"It's uh... not a big deal, boring story, next question." she hurriedly answered. Lena's intense stare send shivers down her spine. Of course their kiss wasn't a boring story at all and she was worried Lena would take it too personal.

"Come on, don't be shy. I'm sure Lena will share her story too. Right?"

"You know what? Maybe we should call it a night. It's late already and I have to... uh... investigate cases tomorrow..." Alex said.

"Gee, don't remind me of the pipe-killer, I'm already sick of that case." Maggie answered while getting up. "I hope to see you around Lena."

"I'd love to. Get home safely." the CEO responded with a radiating smile. She was expecting Kara to kick her out too, but it didn't happen. Instead, she watched the sisters saying goodbye with a long hug, finding herself alone with the blonde just a second later.

"If you want me to go too just say a word."

"Actually, I was thinking about answering some of your questions about the universe."

 

 

 

 

"Are you trying to loose the bet?" Maggie asked once they were in the car.

"At least I'm not trying to win as hard as you do. I mean come one, never have I ever kissed a girl before? And the way you tricked them to sit next to each other on the couch?"

"You cannot deny it Alex, they like each other."

The couple stayed in silence while Alex drove them home. Sure she had noticed the chemistry they had and knowing they'd kissed each other gave the whole evening a new meaning. She'd seen how Kara looked at the CEO, the way they laughed together and she wanted Kara to be happy. That was all that counted.

"You know what? I'm okay with it. At first I thought I wouldn't be, but I am now. The only thing that really bothers me is having to make tiramisu for a whole week..." she finally said once they found a parking lot. She turned to look at her girlfriend's shiny eyes and had to chuckle at the sight of it.  
"Can I... buy it somewhere? I mean do I have to do it myself?"

"You know what? How about we quit betting and agree on a Star Wars marathon with tiramisu?"

"You really make me happy, you know that?"

They leaned in for a kiss, but got interrupted when Alex's phone started buzzing.

"Geez no."

The display showed three capital letters: DEO.

 

 

 

 

"That is unbelievable!"

Lena's eyes were as big as the one's of a child on Christmas eve. She sank a bit more into the couch, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of Kara's warm shoulder touching hers.

"Krypton seemed to have been a wonderful planet..." she whispered, watching the shade of sadness on the blonde's face. "You must be incredible homesick..."

"Sometimes it feels more like a dream. It's so far away... the memory of it, the life I had. I've spend so much time here on earth, it really feels like home, you know? With Alex and mom, they're my family."

"Even though you're adopted?" Lena asked and Kara knew how painful this must be for her, to hear that someone truly had a loving and caring adoptive family.

"I'm sure you're just as lovable as me Lena..."

"I don't know... I don't have superpowers..."

"You're super smart, loyal and honest and wickedly beautiful. Come on, that's some super power anyone would be jealous of. I wish I'd be like that."

"But that's what you are Kara, all of this and more."

Lena's gaze was simply hypnotizing. Their arms and hands were slightly touching as they continued to lie next to each other and Kara could feel how cold Lena's skin was. Instead of saying something, she just took her hand into hers to warm it. For a moment she thought about how cheesy this was, but she didn't feel uncomfortable doing it. Lena's hand was pale, fragile and soft and Kara felt a familiar feeling rising in her chest. Something she only felt while touching Alex, a deep calmness that soothed her.

"You know what's weird? I never feel this much at ease with anyone... except for Alex. It's... I never thought it could be like that with anyone else."

"I take that as a compliment?"

"Yeah, do that. It's a huge compliment."

"So..." Lena started, looking down to their intertwined hands. She managed to free her fingers from Kara's unintentionally strong grip and started to slowly stroke the blonde's palm with her fingertips. "Am I such a bad kisser that you say your first same sex kiss was so boring or was I not the first one?"

"Yeah that... I didn't mean that." Suddenly, she felt a bit nervous. Remembering the kiss, she knew she wanted it to happen again. "It was a lot of things, but certainly not boring..."

"Good. It would be the first time anyone would be complaining... "

"So... tell me your first girl-kiss story then. I'm curious."

She watched Lena's lips growing into a smile. The CEO probably had kissed a dozen girls, Kara could imagine. Just the way she walked and talked was thrilling.

"Alright... let's see...uh... I was drunk... and I had this very nice birthday night with a charming and beautiful alien girl. I thought she looked breathtakingly beautiful, so I had to kiss her. It was a tiny little kiss on the lips, nothing special, really." Lena said, not daring to look at the blonde. She had been drinking too much beer again and she was beginning to regret her choice of words. Surely Kara would tell her she'd be straight and not interested.

"How tiny?" Kara asked instead. Her upper body leaned into the brunette just a bit more. She wasn't sure what she just got herself into, but she was ready to explore wherever it would take her.

"Really tiny..." Lena whispered back, finally getting the courage to look at Kara again only to find a determined expression on her face, something Lena hadn't seen coming.

"Show me."

A second of complete and utter shock left the brunette without any motion. Kara's eyes searched her face for the confirmation that she didn't do anything wrong, that Lena actually wanted this too. And she did.

Kara's face was just centimetres away, which left Lena almost no room for doubt. She leaned in to touch the blonde's lips, this time with more hesitation. She felt Kara's lips moving against hers and just as she wanted to cup her cheek, a buzzing, compared with the mission impossible theme, interrupted them.

Kara jumped up, quickly searching her phone.

"I'm so sorry it's the DEO ringtone, I have to get that. Hello?"

Lena watched Kara listening with a pounding heart. She'd kissed her, again. As much as she didn't want to loose herself in the possibilities that stood before them, she felt hope rising in her chest. Maybe, just maybe Kara wasn't so straight. She still felt the blonde's lips on hers, a tingling sensation she deeply hoped to experience again sometime soon.

"I have to go. I'm so sorry Lena, that happens to me every time something like that happens."

"I understand" Lena smiled, getting up from the couch.

"It's... uh... duty always calls when I'm kinda into certain things... uh..." she let out a breathy chuckle, awkwardly standing in front of the CEO.

"Well, the world needs Supergirl, right? Go, I'll take a cap."

"I get you home, it's on my way."

"You get-?" Lena started, but her voice got stuck the minute Supergirl suddenly stood before her in her uniform, taking her into her strong arms. Next thing she knew was that she flew through the air, thousands of lights rushing away under her and she could feel blonde locks brushing her cheek in the flow of the air. Kara's grip was strong, but tender. She felt secure. An odd thing to feel while flying through the night with nothing but air under her feet. Lena knew she would never feel anything as magnificent as this again.

They arrived at her balcony way too soon. Everything happened too fast, she barely felt her feet touching the ground again before Kara pressed a lingering single kiss on her lips. She was gone when Lena opened her eyes just a second later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... to be continued. Just a note to the comment section: I am really grateful for the kind feedback! To those who worry about the Kalex-Supercorp equation: I'm writing a story about people, who are in deep and complex relationships with each other. It's about the ability to love and trust another person. Kara has a problem with having a lasting relationship, that's where the story starts and I want to explore her emotional development in a realistic way, so I'm really sorry if I disappoint anyone, but I'm not going to just let them jump each other like horny rabbits anytime soon. (Not saying it won't happen somewhere in the story though...). I'm still up for critical feedback though, so feel free to let me know your thoughts. :)


	6. Confessions

"I wasn't expecting to see you that soon again." Alex growled, exhaustion slowly started to kick in. It was past midnight. The few present officers just finished shutting off the area. Another dead alien lay on the ground behind Alex and Maggie.

"Same here. Let me guess, the pipe-killer?"

"Correct. A trail of blood leads to the drain. Time of death was supposedly about an hour go. The old lady living above the supermarket over there had a sleepless night and heard screams through her open window. The interrogation is already happening." Maggie said. She looked just as tired as her girlfriend and Kara was actually a bit surprised by how professional she was after the amount of alcohol they'd been consuming over the past hours.

"Great. I'm going to take a look at the canalization. Maybe our murderer is still somewhere near. If he is, I'm going to find him."

"I'll go with you." Alex said, turning to give Maggie the keys to her car.

"No way, you're going home, you two can barely stand. I'll be extra careful."

"But..."

Kara was gone before Alex could say anything else. She was tempted to run after her, but Maggie already pulled at her arm.

"She wants to do this alone Alex. You cannot always watch over her... she can protect herself you know?"

Alex hesitated. She knew Maggie was right and it hurt her to admit she wasn't the stronger one of them.

 

 

 

Two hours later, Alex was wide awake while Maggie softly snored into her ear. It was a thing she got used to over the last couple of months. It took her a while though to be able to sleep a full night next to her girlfriend. She wasn't used to sharing her bed with any person that was not Kara. The blonde would fully cling to her left arm, like a little monkey. All her little habits had become natural to Alex over the years. Kara had sometimes just crawled into her bed, back at their parent's house, when they were younger, always searching safety with Alex, as ironic as this was. She remembered the comfort she'd felt, the love that dwelt in her chest everytime the blonde's breath would hit the skin of her arm. Suddenly, memories flooded her mind, thoughts and feelings she suppressed and blocked out over the past decade of her life. The reoccurring truth about their inappropriate closeness. She'd only been close to Kara, she'd only truly trusted Kara, she'd only truly loved Kara. That was until Maggie came into her life.

Alex shifted a little to fully look at the beauty next to her. She knew without a doubt that she loved this woman with all her heart and it hurt her at the same time, because she knew she wanted to be close to Kara as well. Questions flooded her head. She finally did what she'd been afraid of doing ever since her coming out. She thought about what being a lesbian would mean for her past. Of course, she'd developed feelings like that for someone close, someone beautiful. How could she not? Young Alex Danvers had been clinging to the only female person that would automatically cling to her too, for whatever reason. It made sense, but she was a grown up now. She would have to start appreciating what she had, right in this moment, instead of listening to secret wishes of her past.

A noise outside broke her train of thoughts. For a second she felt adrenalin rushing through her body in a sudden flash of panic, then she heard a familiar knock at her balcony door. It was strong enough for her to hear, but not loud enough to wake Maggie.

She tiptoed to her balcony and opened the door.

"Okay, you're soaked, stay there! I'll get you a towel"

When Alex returned, she had to suppress a chuckle at the sight of the blonde. Her hair was dripping wet, her uniform covered in dirt and the smell that came from her almost burned in Alex's nose.

"Maggie's asleep, I don't want to wake her." The brunette said after closing the door behind her. "He's behind bars."

"And that's it? Why didn't anyone call me? It's my case after all." Alex said saving distance to the blonde. "Okay, please take a shower Kara, you smell like garbage and urine."

"Yeah, running through the canalization and getting soaked with stinky water is not what I wanted for tonight!" Kara said, stripping out of her clothes before wrapping the towel around herself. Alex leaned against the window, watching the night sky over National city.

"God I really have to talk to you so badly Alex, things have just gotten so complicated!"

"Alright. I'm making hot chocolate and you get the shower. We've got a whole night."

Fifteen minutes later Kara left she bathroom in fresh clothes that belonged to Alex. Wearing them felt like home, like she'd be fourteen again. She used to try on Alex's clothes a lot when they were younger. It made her feel connected in some way.

"Thanks for staying up with me." She whispered. Alex gestured to the balcony and both of them sat down on Alex new bench, she'd been so proud of buying a couple of days ago.

"So... any details about my case?"

"It really wasn't anything special, you can find all the details in my case report tomorrow when you come to work..."

"And when exactly are you going to write that report?"

"Right after I finished my article about the new alien protection law that's in progress..."

"Gee, don't forget to sleep..." Alex giggled, watching the blonde closely. She rarely saw her looking as exhausted like this.

"Things seem to be back to normal with Maggie?" Kara asked after a moment of silence. Alex turned away a bit to watch the skyline, deeply thinking about what to say.

"I think I just... did what we all should do... focus on the good things I have rather than craving and thinking about things... things... I don't have and never will have. That makes it easier."

"What is it you're craving for?"

"It doesn't matter Kara. I've been lucky enough to have you by my side, to have this incredible and beautiful woman there in my bed that loves me. Some people would kill to have what I have. I do appreciate all of it. That's the end of the story." Alex said. It was the truth she felt deep inside her. Her craving to be with Kara was something that simply had no room to be. She eventually turned to look at the blonde, finding that the desire she'd felt had changed into something more essential, something so pure, she couldn't even name it.

"So you stopped overthinking everything huh? I wish I could do that too..." Kara answered. Alex looked so calm to her, it was the complete opposite to the woman who sat at her dining room table just a few hours ago. "How did you do that? How could you lock up your desires in just a few hours?"

Alex shrugged it off, taking another sip of her hot chocolate.

"Most desires are not even made to be satisfied Kara. What counts is the most essential part of love, the core of it, she simple need of being with someone who really knows and sees you. I just realized I had this all along. With you. Some people never get that sort of love."

"Lena never got that sort of love..."

"That's why you need to be with her." Alex answered, taking a deep breath. Just a few hours ago she would've never said that to Kara.

"It's strange... I feel so much at ease with her... I only do that with you ... It scares me, to be honest and at the same time... I am so curious! When she kissed me tonight..."

"She kissed you again?"

Kara simply nodded with a radiating smile. Remembering it made her feel giddy like a school girl.

"Okay. And judging by your smile it was good?"

"We got interrupted by Mission Impossible, so I didn't really have time to enjoy anything..."

"And why exactly did things got complicated?"

"You know me, Alex. Everyone I get close to gets dumped shortly after things got real. I simply cannot be with anyone." Kara answered. She felt oddly nervous talking about it.

"Lena is not everyone. You cannot stop trying, otherwise you will always be alone."

"It's so... hard to... to have this sort of... connection with anyone that is not you. You've been the only one I truly trusted, the only one that would never disappoint, hurt or leave me. That's why I can't be with anyone else, because no one compares to you. That... that's my secret. Now it's out."

"I'm not sure I understand Kara?" Alex whispered, suddenly feeling a well known pain pulling at her chest. A part of her knew very well what Kara had meant. It was their closeness that stood between them and others.

"When you... When you came out... It scared the shit out of me... Because suddenly there was someone else close to you. I felt you slip away and I realised I have been so sure...that there would never be someone who would love you as much as I do. I was happy you didn't have a lasting relationship and you can't imagine how guilty I felt... I've always wanted you to be there for me with all of your heart and suddenly... there's Maggie... and I'm confronted with knowing you're into girls and the possibility... of myself being... gay and I cannot stop thinking about what that means to us. Maybe, Lena could be for me what Maggie is to you, I don't know, but what I need to know now is what we are to each other... because I swear to god, I thought about... there has been this moment where I wanted to..."

Alex exhaled, raising her hands to tell Kara to stop. For a moment, they stayed in silence, desperately searching each others eyes for an answer both of them didn't have.

"Please don't go there." Alex whispered. Her hands slowly sank back down while she kept looking at the blonde. "We can't go there Kara, I would never be able to lock things up again."

"So you do know what I'm talking about?"

Alex eyes were filled with pain, she buried her face in her hands, slowly shaking under the weight of the conversation. It took her a moment to get herself together. She ran her hands through her hair before facing the blonde again.

"That is your secret, too, isn't it?"

"I am finally... experiencing... how it feels to be vulnerable around someone that is not you Kara." she whispered. Looking at the confused expression on Kara's face made her feel sick."I fell in love with Maggie. It's a different kind of love, different from the dependency you and I have and I deeply want you to experience the same. Be with Lena, try to let her in. You'll never loose me, I promise. But we can't go there, we have to learn to get close with someone else, to share a life with someone else."

Alex was able to catch a hurt look on Kara's face before the blonde turned away. She wanted to say something, but figured she probably just needed a little time to let the words sink in. The least thing Alex wanted was to hurt her, but the truth had to be said. This dependency had to end for them to have a normal life, a full and happy life. They stayed in silence for a few minutes. It was unbearable not to say anything, but Alex knew it would just take time to get over this confession. Suddenly, Kara raised her voice again and she could hear the shakiness in it.

"I hate it when you're right."

A surprised chuckle escaped Alex. Kara used to say that to her whenever she would try to be the wise elder sister.

"Imagine us being a couple anyway... mom would get a heart attack." The blonde continued, finally turning around to face the brunette. She tried to hide it, but Alex could see the traces of tears on her cheeks.

"I guess it would be weird... I would have to stop calling you sister..." she answered. They fell into relieved laughter, watching the night sky shoulder on shoulder until the laughter ebbed away, leaving them to an easy silence.

Kara rested her head on Alex's shoulder, taking the her hand into hers.

"Maggie is wonderful. I'm happy you found her..."

"Lena is wonderful too you know? As skeptical as I've been at the beginning... I do like her very much..."

"Good... Because I like her too... very much..."

Kara cupped Alex's cheek with one hand and kissed the other cheek softly before leaning her forehead against the brunette's.

"Who knows... maybe someday." She whispered. A short moment of intimacy left them enjoying their closeness, before Kara withdrew, collecting her soaked Supergirl uniform.

"I should go... Finishing that article... it's due tomorrow..."

"Screw that report... just tell me what I need to know tomorrow... or later..." A look at her phone display made her feel dizzy, knowing she would get less than four hours of sleep.

"Are we okay?" Kara asked. Just the way she stood there, wearing Alex's oversized sweater, reminded her of young Kara asking to sleep in her bed. The memory pulled at her heart, but she would have to let it go. They would learn to let each other go.

"We'll always be okay Kara."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... to be continued. Sorry for those who are here because of Supercorp, Lena will return in the next chapter and things will get a lot more complicated for Kara :)


	7. Trouble

"Danvers... you're gonna be late. Get up." she heard Maggie whispering through a cloud of dizziness. Her body just didn't want to wake up, she tried to move her hand to tell Maggie she heard her, but she was just too lazy to do so.

"If you're planning on spending the day in bed, I might be okay with that... but aren't you curious about what Kara found out about the pipe-killer?"

"He's behind bars." Alex finally murmured, pulling her pillow over her head.

"So Kara really was here last night? Could've fooled me Danvers, I thought it was a dream. Come on, get up." Maggie's tender hand stroked her back, slightly massaging her muscles. She just loved being touched by her. Eventually she rolled on her back to look at her girlfriend.

"Jesus, you look like a zombie." Maggie laughed, lying down next to her in order to press a kiss down on Alex's forehead. "You had a long night again?"

"Kara and I had a lot to talk about... and I couldn't directly go to sleep after..."

"Hm..." Maggie lay her head down on Alex's shoulder, welcoming the embrace of her girlfriend's strong arms. They would be late for work if they kept lying in bed, but something told her that Alex had to tell her something important. A few seconds passed by while Maggie was completely concentrated on the tender way Alex's hands stroked her back.

"Kara and I... we talked about... us. I mean, about how we completely depend on each other in every single way and how... unhealthy it is for our relationships to others... I've been thinking a lot about this since you came into my life. I chose to be with you... but it's hard to... sometimes I compare everything to Kara and it's stupid, because..."

Maggie felt her girlfriend tensing up. Of course, she'd noticed their closeness and she knew Alex would sometimes withdraw a bit from her because of it. To finally have Alex talking about it was a huge relieve.

"This sort of dependency isn't as rare and odd as you might think Alex. I've met a lot people that were stuck in a co-dependent relationship at some point... and in Kara's case it's way more complicated... she lost her family at a very young age and had to live on a whole other planet, being different from anyone else. I think it's very reasonable that she started to glorify you, as well as it's perfectly reasonable that you try to make her yours in order to protect her from others. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I think all of it is reasonable."

Alex shifted a little to look at her girlfriend. "You've been thinking about this, haven't you?"

"How couldn't I? I am not blind Alex, it had to be about Kara. I'm glad you finally talked about this though..."

"And it's... I mean... you're not jealous?" Alex asked, insecurity dominating her voice. She should've known Maggie would eventually get behind it. She was a smart woman and she knew her.

"As you said... you chose to be with me... and I trust you." Maggie's kiss was unexpected, but more than welcomed. Alex couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something inside her changed, as if she was finally able to shut a door and open the next. Her future was with Maggie, this wonderful woman in her arms and she would never let her go.

 

 

 

 

Kara knew she had a bad day ahead of her when she entered the office. She'd gotten about an hour of sleep and tried her best not to fall asleep in her office chair. She was just about to finish her article when her phone buzzed. A smile tugged at her lips, reading Lena's name on the display.

Did you get home safely?

Kara shifted in her chair, suddenly being wide awake again. A few days ago she would've wasted no time in answering, but suddenly things were completely different. She'd kissed Lena a total of three times over the past two days and things were much more complicated now. Lena must think they were dating and if she was completely honest with herself, she wanted it too, but still... she knew herself and she was afraid that she would instinctively switch into her habit of blocking everyone out.

"Danvers, your alien article is cancelled." Snapper said when he passed by, barely leaving Kara room to answer. In an instant she stood up and chased him through the office.

"Excuse me? Why? You cannot just cancel it, I've worked on it the whole night!" she said, noticing she just hit the wrong tone.

"Watch it Danvers, try again to tell me what I cannot do and you're out of here." Snapper said, turning around to look at her. "You're writing about this."

He gestured to his desk, sitting down on this chair with a smile on his face that Kara never saw before. In fact, she wasn't aware of the fact he was even capable of smiling.

She followed his eyes to the envelope at the end of his desk. Kara hesitatingly opened it, feeling her stomach turn a second later.

"I didn't know CatCo turned into a gossip rag sir." she hissed, watching pictures that clearly showed Supergirl kissing Lena Luthor on her balcony at the L-Corp headquarters. "How the hell did you get those?"

"We're lucky enough that the photographer is a friend of mine. He offered them to me, only for today, otherwise they'll go to someone else. Make it your story Danvers, you've got time until 8."

"Sir I..."

"Out!"

Kara stood there, unable to say anything else. She took the envelope and turned to leave when her phone started buzzing, sending the Mission Impossible ringtone through the office.

 

 

 

 

Kara arrived at the crime scene shortly before Alex. Maggie was trapped in a conversation with an officer when she saw her. It was the look on her face that told her something wasn't right. She turned to take a look around, finding another dead alien on the ground.

"No way..." she whispered, when Alex reached her. "I was so sure, how could that happen, how could I be so wrong?"

"Calm down Kara, even the best catch the wrong guy sometimes. And he actually was a criminal anyway. Even in the canalization dealing with drugs is a crime to be held in for."

"God, I can't believe this Alex. I should've known it was too easy..."

"Brooding about your failure little Danvers?"

"It's not funny Maggie, I catched the wrong guy! I wasted time with... while I could've been out there finding the real pipe-killer!" Alex wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into a soothing hug. She instantly knew something was off. Thinking back to their nightly conversation, Alex figured things must be just too much for the blonde.

"We'll find him, it's not your fault."

"Listen... Kara... there is a bracelet among the evidence that I think belongs to Lena." Maggie said. She was holding a plastic bag with the bracelet Kara recognized immediately. "It was found right next to the body... I'm sorry but we have to talk to her."

"Lena has nothing to do with it." she answered pushing herself away from Alex, who looked just as concerned as Maggie.

"You don't know that Kara. You saw her with it yesterday, we all did."

"I cannot believe you still tend to accuse her, she proved to be one of the good ones plenty of times."

"Even if she's not guilty of anything Kara, we have to do our jobs. We have to talk to her." Maggie said. She exchanged a concerned look with her girlfriend, a knowing look that made Kara feel blind rage in her stomach. Knowing Alex wasn't on her side made her feel angrier than she could handle.

"I'm going to talk to her first."

 

 

 

 

 

Lena Luthor had a bad day. One of those really, really terrible days at the office, one of those days, where you just want to shut everything out with a bottle of gin. Although she usually had the natural gift of calmness and was able to face stressful situations with a cool head, everything was different now. Kara hadn't answered her message and it was already past noon.

She didn't want to overthink this, knowing that the blonde was super busy being a reporter and Supergirl at once and she wasn't the jealous type anyway, but something was really bothering her.

She checked her phone again. Still nothing.

A breeze found it's way through her balcony door and tickled her neck a bit, a welcomed thing on a hot summer day like this. She tried to focus on her work, but her thoughts went back to Kara and her beautiful blue eyes. She remembered the look of determination in them before their lips had met, instantly feeling a sudden rush of happiness.

Something took her out of her dreams, a motion that mirrored in her monitor. She turned around to see Supergirl standing on her balcony.

A smile tugged at her lips at the sight of her while a rush of happiness flooded her chest. Seeing Kara like this, knowing Supergirl was here for her, was an incredible feeling. Kara didn't move, so she stood up, leaning against the door frame.

"Hello there. How can I help you?"

"Were probably being watched, can we go somewhere else?" Kara asked with a tensed voice.

"Sure... Is everything alright? You look... tensed?" Lena led them to a storage room nearby, which left ridiculously few room between them.

"Is this private enough for you?" she asked. Being so close to Lena, Kara felt the overwhelming need to pull her into a kiss. Just the way the brunette looked at her was almost too much. The room was small and sticky, she could smell Lena's perfume so intensely, it made her feel dizzy.

"Actually I don't know where to start..." she whispered, growing weaker with every second that passed by.

Lena slowly leaned in and Kara was defenceless. All she could do was to stand still when Lena's hands rose to touch her shoulders, a delicate touch, she could almost feel the hotness of her skin through the fabric. Kara finally gave in, placing a needy kiss on Lena's lips. Wrapping her arms around the brunette's waist, she was unable to pull away. The heat that radiated from Lena's body made her break out into sweat, the sticky air left them with a ridiculous amount of oxygen to breathe in. She felt Lena's breath on her face, her hands that found their way into her hair. It was intoxicating.

"We're in trouble Lena." she whispered against the rosy lips she was dying to kiss again.

"What happened?"

The brunette stole another kiss from her before slowly leaning back to look at the blonde.

"Remember the bracelet you wore yesterday?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … to be continued. Now we're finally getting somewhere :) I hope you're still with me, cause things are going to be dramatic ;)


	8. Victory and Defeat

"You mean this?" Lena asked, obviously very confused. She withdrew a bit before raising her left hand to show the golden bracelet. It looked exactly like the one Maggie had shown her.

"Where did you get this from?" Kara asked, looking at the brunette with a pounding heart. She was so relieved to see a confused look on her face. A second later though, it changed into an angry expression. She leaned back at the door, crossing her arms in front of her. It was her typical defensive motion that Kara had witnessed several times before. Only Lillian could make her act like this.

"Mother gave it to me for Christmas a couple of years ago... don't ask me why I'm still wearing it. What did she do this time?"

"Maggie found a bracelet that looked exactly like yours this morning next to a dead alien. I have to call her, excuse me."

Kara took out her phone and Lena suddenly found herself wondering how the blonde managed to have it on her anyway. Her costume was tight, so tight, Lena had a hard time keeping her eyes from admiring the muscular form in front of her.

"This place is a dead spot. You'll better try it in the conference room. It's not quite as private as here... but..." she raised her hand again, just to slightly touch Kara's strong stomach. The blonde was able to feel the heat of her skin through the fabric and it send shivers down her spine. "What is it with your sudden need of privacy anyway?"

Kara felt her phone almost falling down as she lost the grip through her sweaty hands. She was so nervous around the brunette, an odd feeling she only had with... but that was something from her past. The thought nested in the back of her brain, but she felt it constantly pulling at her chest. She would have to let Alex go, to let the safety go. Lena looked at her with a determined expression. Kara wasn't sure what that look meant, all she could think was how beautiful she actually was. Again, an odd thought to think about anyone that was not Alex. She wasn't used to all this. It simply overwhelmed her to feel this way about Lena. There were so many things that could go wrong, so many possibilities of hurt and despair ahead of them. How could she ever be sure and where was she supposed to start trusting someone else? She had no answer to that and Lena seemed to recognize her inner turmoil. The brunette leaned in and softly pulled her into a hug. It was a soothing move that made Kara relax a bit. Maybe a hug was a good start after all.

"Take your time Kara. I'm not going anywhere." the brunette said, as if she'd magically read her thoughts. She felt unsteady and raised her arms to hug her back. It felt good to have her close.

"Thanks... we... some douchebag took pictures of us kissing on your balcony and I'm supposed to write the big story about Supergirl supporting gays or Supergirl in love or whatever... some... stupid stuff." she mumbled, slowly pulling away just a bit to look at the brunette. "I just can't believe... what did I do to deserve this?" she said. She immediately noticed a shade of disappointment flashing over the brunette's face, but it was over a second later. Instead, the CEO started laughing, bringing one hand up to cover her mouth.

"I'm sorry..." she apologized, but Kara could see and feel her body shaking with waves of laughter. "I know you don't need this right now, but..."

"There will be a huge gossip story on the front page, about us! That's the least thing we need right now. When this story is going public, you can say goodbye to privacy."

"I grew up with people making assumptions about me all the time Kara. To have them talking about me kissing the prettiest super hot kyptonian girl would be a welcomed change. But I get your point. Do you know the name of the paparazzo?"

Kara only shook her head. She wished she could be as calm as Lena. The woman had just started to improve her reputation and in just twenty four hours she wouldn't be able to cross the street without being surrounded by cameras and journalists.

"Don't worry about that Kara." she said, placing a little kiss on her cheek before she pulled away. "Worry about my mother. I'll check the company files for the remaining closed down factories and other potential harbours... sometimes I think she really just wants me to find her..."

"Thanks Lena. I know you're super busy, I really appreciate it." Kara said, finally pushing the door open to get out of the dead spot. Just a few steps later she saw that she already had two missed calls and one message from Alex, showing just one word: Cadmus.

"I have to go, um... call you later?"

Lena just gave her a bright smile. She knew she'd be working until late in the morning with all the extra research she had to do, but her Supergirl was worth the effort.

"And uh... thanks for the compliment... you're... uh... super hot, too" Kara whispered the last three words with a smile on her face and she was very satisfied with the slight shade of red that covered Lena's cheeks just a second later.

 

 

"What do we have?" Supergirl asked, once she'd arrived at the DEO headquarters.

"Winn took a look at the bracelet, seems like Lillian wants us to find her..." Alex answered.

"It's a tracking device, surprise!" Winn said, sounding as enthusiastic as always. "I was able to locate a potential harbour."

"Nice. Then let's go."

"Wait, Kara, you wanna run into a trap? Are you out of your mind?" Alex hissed, instantly scooting closer. Her arms reached to touch hers in a protective manner that was all Alex.

"Well I won't be alone and what other choice do we have? I won't let Cadmus kill another alien just while we're standing here. I already wasted enough time."

"Kara, please I know you feel guilty, but there has to be another way. What did Lena say? Maybe she's able to find something that might help us."

"Oh really? Now out of the sudden Lena's the good one again? What comes next, you wanna use her as a lure?"

"You're exaggerating Kara and this has nothing to do with the mission anymore does it?"

"I think we should calm down for a minute." Winn said, raising her hand, but his voice got lower with every word. His eyes looked around, searching for confirmation and eventually finding it in J'onn's eyes.

"Winn's right. We shouldn't argue. I'll fly to the said coordinates masked as Supergirl. If they have a kryptonite trap, it won't knock me out. Let me clear the area first Kara, then you can do what you gotta do."

 

 

 

 

Hours later, long after sunset, Alex helped an injured Kara off the operation table.

"I still don't think this is a good idea. You need to rest. Please, stay." the brunette said, clearly worried. Kara could hear it in her voice, it was the protective-older-sister-voice. She felt bad for their argument earlier.

"Please get me home Alex. I cannot stay here." Kara hissed. She hoped Alex could see the determination in her eyes. It was a strange moment and for the first time she truly felt constricted by Alex's constant will to protect her. "I actually feel much better now. Please stop worrying so much."

She eventually got on her feet, but had to lean on Alex shoulder a bit. The brunette held her by the waist, careful not to touch the wounds. Kryptonite fragmentation bombs had hit the blonde. It was nothing serious, but her body took unusually long to regenerate.

They walked in silence until they finally managed to get Kara into the car.

Alex felt miserable and useless. She hadn't been able to protect Kara during their fight. The pipe-killer had knocked her out shorty after they'd arrived. Eventually J'onn and Kara had been able to stop him, she was told. A great victory in their fight against Cadmus, although, for Alex, it felt like a shattering defeat.

"I'm sorry." Kara whispered, clearly in pain. The sound of it made Alex feel sick.

"Don't be. I'm glad you made in out in one piece." she whispered back, sitting still with her hands on the wheel. She felt almost paralysed.

"I'm sorry I overreacted about Lena. I know you meant well." Kara shifted in her seat, suppressing a groan. She definitely wasn't used to being in pain. Even though they'd been able to remove the kryptonite from her body, she still felt the all those little wounds.

"I'm sorry you didn't feel like I was on your side... because I am, always. I never believed that Lena had anything to do with the pipe-killer... and I'd never sacrifice her or anyone else just to get to Lillian." Alex said, slowly taking the blonde's hand in hers now. It was just a small gesture and a look into each others eyes, but it was all they needed at the moment.

They drove in silence, feeling the comfort that goes along with being surrounded by loved ones.

 

 

 

 

Just when they eventually exited the elevator, Kara felt her phone buzzing.

"Uh... can you get that?" she asked Alex. "It's probably Lena."

They stopped for a moment and Kara leaned herself against the wall while Alex quickly took her phone, audibly breathing out a second later.

"What? What is it?"

"You're fired."

"What?"

"Kara?"

"Mon-El?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … to be continued. Sorry for the long wait. I was on vacation (UK for the first time, I was SOOOO excited) and I'm kinda busy right now, so don't be mad if the next update will take a while, I won't make any promises. :)


	9. Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I wrote this at night and thought you might want the update as soon as possible :P I'm actually really enjoying writing this and I hope you still like reading it :) I don't know if I mentioned it before, but English is not my first language, so please tell me if I use anything wrong :) Have fun!

"What're you doing here?" Kara asked. He walked around the corner a second later.

"You're hurt! What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. Why are you here? I said I needed distance for a while." Kara asked, moving to stand on her own. Although she was still in pain, she gently shoved Alex's helping hands away.

"I know, I just... I needed to talk to you, to see you." he said with his puppy dog eyes. Kara felt a painful sting in her chest. She hated to hurt him again, she really really really hated it.

"I don't think it's a good idea. Really and it's a bad time, too, as you might have heard, I just got fired." she replied. Kara could feel Alex's eyes on her. She knew the brunette only held herself back. Seeing Mon-El now was the least thing they both wanted.

"I heard it... sorry, I didn't mean to spy on you. What did Snapper do? You want me to talk to him?" Mon-El was just being Mon-El. A part of Kara had missed him and his silly behaviour. She'd liked being protected in a way that she'd liked it with Alex, but it also bothered her just as much.

"Please don't talk to him, please."

"I'll talk to him."

"How could you not hear me saying 'please don't talk to him'?"

"I... uh... think I'll better be leaving?" Alex interrupted them and Kara just shot her a don't-you-dare-glance. The least thing she needed was being alone with Mon-El.

"You know, it's Maggie's birthday tomorrow and we have so much to prepare. Please don't be mad, you can call me if you need anything..." Alex gave Kara a peck on the cheek before she turned to leave. "Nice seeing you Mon-El, anyway."

"Was nice seeing you, too Alex. Say hello to Maggie for me, okay?"

And with a quick smile, Alex was out of their sight.

"I can't believe she just did that to me." Kara mumbled. It was one of those moments where she just didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

"Yeah, I guess it must be really awful to be alone with me... I get it."

Mon-El's eyes met the ground. He just knew how to push her buttons.

"Alright, come in. Just for one drink, one drink, Mon-El, you hear me?" Kara said, but she already knew he would try his best to make a dozen drinks out of it and she was just too nice to deny him that. Kara made it to her apartment door on her own, even though Mon-El's hands offered help all along. With a sigh of exhaustion, Kara let herself eventually sink into the couch. Her head felt like a huge circus, loud and crazy and full of so many stuff that it just became overwhelming.

"I thought about us. About the things I did wrong..." he started, leaning on the dining table with one hand. Kara still thought he looked good like that and it just hurt her to be the cause of his pain.

"You did nothing wrong Mon-El. Some people just shouldn't be together. We're just not right for each other. "

"Wha... how... how can you say this? We're SO perfect for each other. There are so many things we have in common-"

"Oh really? Name one."

"We're... uh... we're both strong!"

Kara would've burst out into laughter, if it weren't for the slight sting she still felt in her torso.

"That qualifies us not at all for being a good couple. Please, don't make this harder than it already is. I really... I really hate to hurt you. I do. I really do and I'd like to have you in my life, but as a friend. Believe me, we're not good for each other. It maybe feels that way to you now, but someday you'll understand it."

Mon-El was just about to answer, when the doorbell stopped him. Both shot a glance at Kara's living room clock, it was almost midnight. Kara used her X-ray vision, almost falling off the couch when she saw Lena standing behind the door.

"What? Who is it?"

"Excuse me for a second Mon-El." Kara replied. She managed to get on her feet with a grunt and ignored Mon-El's pitiful look. Her heart felt like a drum when she eventually opened the door.

"Hi. Sorry, did I wake you?" Lena asked. She must've been in the office the whole day, Kara could almost see the tension in her shoulders.

"You didn't. What... uh... how can I help you? Is everything ok?"

"I figure I should rather ask you that. Alex wrote me a message about half an hour ago. She said you managed to catch the pipe-killer and that you were injured... are you okay? You look awfully sick..."

Kara was just about to answer when Mon-El showed up behind her. She felt his presence and saw how Lena's face fell for a second.

"Oh." was all the brunette said.

"Mo... Mike... just... he just-"

"Oh it's okay, Kara. We can talk tomorrow. I just wanted to make sure you're alright..." Lena sounded and looked as self conscious as always and it freaked Kara completely out.

"No wait, wait a second, I'll..." she turned around, grabbing her keys before joining Lena in the hallway.

"I'm okay. It's looks worse than it actually is. Actually most of it is gone by now, so don't worry." she started. Lena just leaned in to carefully sling her arms around her.

"I'm so glad you're okay."

Feeling the brunette's embrace should be soothing, but Kara suddenly felt uncomfortable. Her heart was pounding heavily, but it wasn't a good feeling at all. She slowly pulled herself out of the hug, not knowing how to explain herself.

"What is it?" Lena asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

Lena's intense stare was just too much, everything was just too much. Having Mon-El waiting in her apartment and out of the sudden there's Lena. Lena, her Lena, the one she'd happily kissed hours ago and suddenly this incredible feeling was gone. Kara knew what was going on, she'd been through this situation a million times before and she hated herself for having to face it again.

"It's not your fault Lena... I just... can't." she whispered, avoiding her gaze.

"Then try to explain it, maybe? Whatever it is, you can talk to me."  
"You wouldn't understand. It's... so complicated and I don't want to drag you into this, living with me is... very... complicated." Kara felt the tension around them and it made her heart ache. She didn't want to do this, she didn't want to hurt Lena.

"Of course you do that now, I should've known."

"What do you mean?" Kara asked, but she already knew what Lena meant. She'd known from the very beginning that this would happen some day.

"You're shutting me out. That's your thing, isn't it? Whenever things get real and you can't handle it, you just shove it away. Just like you did with Mike."

Lena's words hit her with a force that was so much worse than anything she'd ever witnessed. Shoving people away like this was always painful, but this time, it truly felt like her heart broke in two.

"This... is different." she mumbled, but she knew Lena barely heard it. Her thoughts went back to Mon-El, knowing how this must've looked like.

"Oh, wait, it's him, you're getting back with him?" Lena said, gesturing towards the door. All Kara could think was how ridiculous this was. She shouldn't do this, she should give Lena a chance. She wanted to, but the damaged had already been made.

"I'm not, it has nothing to do with him. I'm sorry Lena, I just don't have... it's a lot coming together, maybe we should... it's not the right time now... "

"There will never be the right time Kara... because you're always trying to live three lives at once, even Supergirl can't handle that. Think about it Kara, how long do you think you can stand living like this?"

A part of her knew and deeply felt that Lena was right. She felt dizzy and sick, like she'd pass out any minute. The pain in her torso suddenly hit her even harder and Lena's eyes... Lena's wonderful eyes were filled with pain and disappointment and it was all her fault.

"Anyway, I'm not going to stand in your way, not as a love interest and not as a friend. Before I go, you should take this though." Lena lifted the file she'd been holding and Kara just realized she hadn't noticed it before. Usually she would've never missed a detail like this. "It's a list of all closed down L-Corp factories. I'd already taken a look at it when you wrote me earlier."

"Lena... I'm-" Kara started as soon as Lena turned to leave. She felt like breaking out into tears every moment, hoping Lena could see how hurt she actually was, but the brunette didn't turn back around.

"Save it." she said instead, using her business voice, clear and strong and Kara felt herself breaking apart just a little bit more. "I'm a Luthor. I'm used to people shoving me away."

Kara wanted to stop her, but she couldn't move at all. Instead she just watched her leaving with an aching in her chest, that reminded her of the moment when she'd known, she'd never be able to return to Krypton again and she'd never felt so helpless before.


	10. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I realized people were confused about the last two chapters and I know it is a complicated issue I'm pointing at that some people probably don't know and therefore maybe don't understand so good. I just hope the following chapter makes things a bit clearer, but I'm open for suggestions and questions, so don't hesitate to contact me :)

Kara never thought there would ever be a challenging situation she'd have to go through without Alex. Instead, it was Mon-El, who held her in a soothing embrace while she kept on crying.

Slight waves of physical pain flooded her while her body shook under the weight of her tears, but it was the pain in her heart that hurt the most. Watching Lena leaving like this had been simply destroying.

She needed the warm shoulder of the man she had left, just as cruelly as she'd left Lena. A man, she had abandoned because she couldn't trust him enough. Being in his arms now, somehow felt like a revelation. She'd abandoned him and he was still there, keeping her together in this very moment.

They sat like that for a while, until, eventually, Kara's tears stopped flowing.

"How do you do it? Trusting people without constantly fearing of losing them again? You lost your life on Daxam, too..." she eventually asked. Her voice was raw and shaky and full of pain.

"Well... that's a good question... I don't. You're the only one I fully trust, you know? Guess that's at least another thing we have in common."

"You know... I did that with Alex, too... once, I tried to shove her away, too... but she kept coming back to me, always being around, always taking care of me... until one day, I just knew I couldn't live without her, but the overwhelming fear had changed. I don't know how to do that... with someone else." Kara shifted a little, pulling herself out of his embrace, but stayed close. She took the glass of water Mon-El had given her earlier and took a sip. The exhaustion kept kicking in, every second a little bit more.

"Well... how about you just try and try again? If someone really loves you and if he deserves you, he... or she, will wait until you're ready to know it."

"Look at you... that coming out of your mouth!" Kara couldn't help but smile at the silly grimace he made, eventually falling into a small laughter with him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't the right one for you... I know you deserve better, but please just don't abandon me out of your life Kara. I will try to be a good friend."

"You already are." Kara replied, taking his hand into hers. It was a small start for them into something new and both knew it wouldn't be easy, but they were willing to try.

 

 

 

 

 

Kara woke up without pain, at first. The wounds had been healed, but the memory came back just as she rolled out of bed and it made her heart clench in pain.

There were so many things to make right again and she wouldn't waste another moment.

Her first stop was at CatCo. She needed to talk to Snapper about her dismissal, although she already knew there wouldn't be any chance to change anything about it. She'd seen Snapper's excitement about the Supergirl-story, something she'd never thought she'd ever witness. An excited Snapper just didn't feel real.

She saw everyone staring at her, the moment she entered the editorial office, even heard people talking about her behind her back, but she didn't care. She almost felt like a rebel, a confident journalist that refused to write a gossip story about National City's Superhero. She should be proud.

"Ah Danvers. Good you're here, because I really, really wanna kick – your – ass! Not only did you embarrass me and CatCo, you also successfully managed to destroy the good chance of making a good and dignified article about those pictures. I hope you're happy with this!" Snapper's voice was as cynical as always when he handed her the newspaper from National City News. They managed to get on the front page.

"Supergirl's Kryptonite: How Lena Luthor managed to make Supergirl fly over the rainbow." Kara read, but she felt anger rising in her chest with every word. She didn't even want to read this.

"This was the last chance I gave you Danvers. Take your things and leave my office. Now."

"Sir, I..."

Snapper didn't even answer, instead he just stared at her with a look of pure determination and anger. She had lost and she knew it. She threw the newspaper back on the table and left the office.

 

 

 

 

Kara decided to walk home, not caring about the box of shame she held in her arms. She felt almost numb, like she'd just been hit really hard.

Suddenly, she seemed to be surrounded by the National City News. People on every corner read them, at the bus station and in cafes. It was a nightmare.

"I knew having a Luthor in town would bring no good. What am I supposed to tell my grandchildren? They love Supergirl." She heard an old woman say, right as she passed by another bus station. She couldn't help but turn around.

"Excuse me? Lena Luthor happens to be a very good friend of mine and she is a wonderful, caring and brave person that never meant to cause harm on anyone, you hear me? She did nothing wrong and I hate when people make assumption about someone they don't know so... so... get a life!" she suddenly blurted out before she could stop herself. The pair on the bench just looked at her with shock in their eyes and suddenly Kara felt shocked, too. She never shouted at strangers like that, never really shouted at anyone at all before and she felt completely overwhelmed by it.

Without waiting for an answer, Kara turned on her heels, just to hesitate for a moment.

"And you can tell your grandchildren that being gay is totally okay and that they shouldn't be afraid of something so pure and wonderful as love!" she eventually said, before leaving the bus station. She instantly knew that was what she would have written in the article, if she hadn't been so busy with fighting the pipe-killer and getting hurt.

She fought the thoughts about the National City News and instead kept on walking down the street without a hurry, feeling a strange relief while doing so. Not having to be somewhere in particular right now while trying to safe the world in between felt absolutely relieving. Lena was right. She knew, she couldn't go on with her life like this.

When her phone buzzed, she stuck the box under her left arm to pick up her phone with the other. It was a text message from Alex.

"Just heard about it. Did you talk to Snapper? How's Lena? I'm stuck at work, but Maggie's home preparing the party, if you don't wanna be alone. Love u xx"

"Nice move to tell Lena I was injured, we had a bad fight yesterday. I'm going to check on her though. Job's lost, Snapper's an ass and I feel like the biggest idiot on earth. See ya later xx"

Kara eventually decided to take a cab back to her apartment. She knew Lena would be awfully busy, but she had time to wait a whole day at her office if necessary.

 

 

 

 

 

"Miss Luthor, I know you're bus-"

"That's right, I'm busy, you know my schedule and you know I don't want to see any reporter at all."

"Well... the lady comes from CatCo..."

"Tell her, I don't want to see her."

"But, it's not her, I mean it's not Miss Danvers... she said her name is-"

"I still don't want to see anybody, Patricia."

Lena waited until her secretary had left the room, before she sunk down into her office chair with an audible sigh. Her life changed into a living nightmare in just one night. Not that being Lena Luthor ever had been something good. Here she was, a true, lonely, very very lonely Luthor.

A look at her watch showed that she had still thirty minutes left until her next meeting. Thirty minutes that she should use for preparing it. Still, her thoughts went back to Kara. When she'd seen the National City News this morning, she instantly knew Kara got fired for not writing the article. As a CEO she would've done the same with every employer that refused to do his work. Or would she? It didn't matter if she would, people would just automatically assume she would and who cared for the truth anyway?

Kara did. Kara cared for the truth, that was why she fell for her in the first place. She felt stupid for hoping the blonde would change for her. It had been just a matter of time until their complicated personalities would crash against each other. Both being afraid of deep, emotional relationships and even more afraid of loosing them. Lena knew, she'd overreacted just because she'd been so hurt and Kara overreacted as well. She felt bad for storming off, but instinctively knew, that staying would've made things only worse.

Her thoughts went back, twenty four hours ago to their moment in the storage room, to their kisses and the tender touch of her hands.

It was then that Lena Luthor decided to take a risk. She decided that Kara Danvers was worth overcoming her fears and she deeply hoped, Kara would do the same for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … to be continued. Just to let you know, I still haven't seen the last two episodes, so please don't spoil me. I figured Lena has a new secretary and I just named her Patricia :P


	11. Making a move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, sorry, I know it has been some time since the last update... I was working on my Ghostbusters stories in the meantime (If you haven't seen it yet, go watch it, it's a great movie!) aaaaaand it's quite unbelievable, but I've met an old friend of mine some days ago (and I didn't know she was into fanfiction AT ALL) and we accidentally figured out that she's been reading "When you're ready to know it" without even knowing it was me :) What a coincidence! So, my dear Sam, this one's for you 3

When Kara arrived at the L-Corp headquarters, she thought she wouldn't be able to even enter the building. A gaggle of people waited at the entrance, cameras and microphones glistered in the sun and some pedestrians gave interviews. Kara didn't want to listen, but it was just not possible to overhear certain words and sentences.

"Lena Luthor has always been a bit different from her family, different from most people as well, I don't think it has anything to do with public relations..."

"A Luthor always finds a way to make the headline..."

"Supergirl should think about what kind of message she's sending out... people look up to her..."

Kara felt the blood rushing in her ears and a whirlwind of anger in her stomach. Again, she was tempted to say something, but she knew it wouldn't be a good idea to raise attention to herself. With the use of her elbows, she pushed herself through the mass of people, eventually reaching the security service.

"Excuse me, you cannot enter the building. We have strict orders to keep reporters and visitors from entering."

"I know, but I'm a friend. I just need to check on Lena, I'm sure she needs a good friend right now."

"Sorry Miss, I have strict orders. No exceptions."

"Ask her secretary, I have permission to see her at any time!"

"No exceptions."

"My name is Kara Danvers. Please just ask her secretary!"  
"I'm losing my patience Miss Danvers. Back off, or I'll make you."

Kara knew she wouldn't be able to change his mind. Surely, she could just shove him aside and storm in, but that would definitely raise too much attention. She thought back to what she had heard people saying about her and Lena and, suddenly, she just knew there was only one message she wanted to put out in this world.

 

 

Lena was just about to finish her preparations for the meeting when she suddenly heard people yelling outside on the streets. Just a second later, a breeze tickled her neck and she saw Supergirl landing on her balcony through the reflection on her monitor again.

She turned around, determined to say something, but the sight of her beauty left her speechless for a second.

"Your security guard is very persistent." Kara mumbled. She leaned against the door frame and Lena could clearly see the exhaustion on her face.

"For someone who's so worried about the gossip that's going on, you're surprisingly bold to show up here like this." Lena replied. She knew she sounded harsh, but at the moment, she was unable to hide the disappointment that still tugged at her heart.

"I know. I heard what people say in the streets... it's just horrifying. I guess, I just wanted to... make sure that people know my priorities... I'm not ashamed of anything and I deeply care about you..."

Kara's words sunk into her slowly, like she'd been talking in slow motion. She knew it was a positive statement, but she still felt troubled.

"I'm so sorry" Kara suddenly whispered. She started walking towards her and Lena felt her heart pounding again. "I panicked. All I could think about was that you'll leave me anyway some day and it... freaked me out, I couldn't handle it. I'm so sorry."

Kara's blue eyes rested their gaze at Lena's mouth, just when she was close enough to actually reach her, but she didn't. Instead, they looked at each other like they'd never looked at each other before. Lena could suddenly see the desperation in the blonde's eyes, a long hidden helplessness that must've haunted her for years.

"Strange... I felt just the same..." she eventually replied. The anger was gone, but the fear was still there and she knew Kara must've felt it, too. They would learn how to trust each other, but it was a long way to go.

"Of course you did. I can imagine having trust-issues comes along with being a Luthor..."

They shared a bitter smile before Lena eventually lay her arms around Kara, slowly nuzzling the curve of Kara's neck. She loved touching her in her Supergirl suit, it made her feel secure.

"Today's Maggie's birthday... and I'd love to take you with me as my plus one. As my official date, I mean. If you still want that..."

"I'd love to... but I'm afraid I'm actually drowning in work. I have this meeting in two minutes and another one at 4. I already took the past two nights off."

"Says the one who told me I couldn't go on with my life working like this... Lena, you cannot have 16 hours of work a day... please take a break."

"How about dinner tomorrow? Then we have time to talk about... this thing" she said, gesturing between them. Kara knew she was right. Having certain unspoken things in mind while trying to pretend to have a nice party with Maggie and her friends would only ruin the evening for the both of them. They needed some quality time alone, away from the usual stress.

"It's dinner tomorrow then." she replied, trying to fake a smile and hide her disappointment. She'd loved the idea of the both of them, flirting and cuddling at Maggie's party. She'd loved the idea of a sweet making-up-kiss, but Lena already leaned back to grab the folders on her desk.

"I'm looking forward to it." Lena said. She hesitated for a moment, but eventually pressed a chaste kiss on the blonde's lips. Her instincts told her to deepen the kiss, but she knew she wouldn't be able to pull away from her again if she'd take the step further. She turned around quickly, not wanting the blonde to see how hard is was for her to pull away like this, like nothing had happened. She felt a great deal better, knowing that Kara had made the decision to not give up on them, too, but the fear that came along with vulnerability hit her right in the guts. With one last look and a forgiving smile, Lena left the room.

 

 

 

It was way too soon for the first guest, Maggie noticed, after the doorbell had made her look at the living room clock. She was just preparing the vegan lasagne and already was short on time. She was surprised to find Kara there.

"Alex said you might need some help?"

"Little Danvers, that's a surprise. Aren't you supposed to be at CatCo?"

"Uh... uhm... Alex didn't say anything?" Kara asked and Maggie could see from the look on her face that something bad had happened. She took a step backward to let the blonde in.

"Obviously not. What's wrong?"

"I got fired because I wasn't able to write an article about Supergirl kissing Lena. Actually I decided to fight the pipe-killer instead and got myself blown up by a kryptonite frag."

"That... sounds like something Alex would've mentioned..."

Maggie felt her stomach turn. Her girlfriend had been very reserved when she came home the night before. She'd figured it had been work related, but obviously, as always, it had been about Kara. Maggie wanted to get used to the fact that there was a third person in their relationship, that Kara was a constant variable she had to count in whenever something was off with Alex.

"It was late last night... maybe she just didn't want to bother you, since you were already busy with birthday preparations..."

"Yeah... sure." was all Maggie could say. She really didn't want to overthink this, didn't want to give into her doubts and fears, but something constantly tugged at her heart when it came to Kara.

"Tell me what to do and we're done in five minutes." Kara said, rolling up her sleeves with a smile on her lips. It was still her optimistic and overly confident face, and maybe, she just imagined it, but Kara looked troubled and Maggie just knew that it would be an equally troubled evening.


	12. Teams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so lucky it rains like shit where I live, otherwise I would've been at work today and you wouldn't have a new chapter now. Also most of my people are already heading home for the holidays (I live in a student's city, really), so it was either writing or watching a good movie for me :P
> 
> And now have fun with my (I would almost say) favourite chapter so far!

"Jesus I don't think I've ever seen so many gay people in one room." Kara chuckled. She was actually a bit drunk, for once. Maggie had brought a bottle of some really magical beverage from the bar, almost exclusively for her, but there were some other aliens there as well.

"Yep, my first time, too." Alex answered. She was taking a break from greeting everyone for once. Being the host's girlfriend actually was more stressful than she'd thought.

"Hey, listen, I'm sorry I wrote Lena you were injured... I just... figured she had a right to know it, but I should've asked-"

"It's okay Alex, don't worry about it."

"Then why is your face telling me it's not okay?"

Kara shifted a little, clearly being uncomfortable with the situation. The alcohol may had something to do with it, but she felt overly emotional.

"I just... it's... I had such an awful night, you can't even imagine... and you weren't there."

"I would've been the-"

"I know, but for once... I just felt like I needed to do this without you..."

"But that's... good isn't it?" Alex said with a noticeable hesitation. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to go there again. Their conversation on her balcony was still present and it felt like being punched in the stomach right now.  
"I don't know. I really don't know, all I know is that it almost tore me apart to not... have you around. Then I had to see Lena leave and I felt like... I was so helpless, it was just like... losing Krypton all over again. Even thinking about it makes it hard to breathe."

"It's alright Kara, no one said it would be easy..."

"I just thought, with Lena, I could do that. I tried, you know, I was telling myself that Lena was there for me, but the second I really needed her to fight for me... she just gave up and turned around and I know it makes perfect sense. I was weak and afraid and panicked and pushed her away and she was, of course, hurt and backed off. That's what people do, you shove them away and they leave you alone. I somehow... I just thought Lena would see through me and help me."

Kara felt the hurt rising in her chest, the hurt that hadn't left her ever since, not even after the short conversation they had earlier at Lena's office.

"Can you really blame her for this? Maybe you should just talk to her."  
"We never talked about it. You just knew and you wouldn't leave me alone until I was able to trust you." Kara shifted a little closer and Alex felt herself getting really nervous out of the sudden. It had been inevitable for them to talk about this again, but this time, it wasn't just about the both of them.  
"We lived together Kara, there was no way I could've turned my back on you."

"That's not true Alex, you know that. You could've done that, but you chose to gain my trust, you chose to be there for me."  
"And it wasn't easy. Nothing's easy when it comes to trust and love, Kara, you cannot expect things like that to just be there when you want it. There was a time where I wanted to give up on you, too, many times, to be fair, but all that matters is that, in the end, we both didn't give up on each other. It may seem like a small trip to you now, because it's been so many years, but it was a long ride... for us... to be this close, to love each other so deeply... it has been a very long road. This didn't come from nowhere."

"Then why does it feel like it had been natural all the time?"

"I don't know." Alex whispered and Kara was sure a normal person wouldn't have been able to understand it, but she did. It was the look on Alex face that said everything, a look that she'd seen so many times before. Whatever look it was she had in her own eyes, Alex seemed to read it, too, because a second later she found herself in a tender hug, resting her head on Alex's shoulder. "You're expecting too much, way too soon Kara. If you want this to work, you have to understand that you cannot do this on your own. You and Lena, you're a team now, act like it or lose the game."

"I hate it when you're right." Kara mumbled and she felt Alex's torso slightly shake with a chuckle.

"So... about something else... did you say something to Maggie? She's a bit distant tonight."

Kara pulled herself out of the hug and took in a deep breath before nodding. She could see Alex tensing up.

"Alright. Excuse me, I gotta save my ass..."

 

 

 

"Can I have a second with you?" Alex asked, slowly pulling at Maggie's arm. Just the sight of the look on her face made her stomach turn when they entered the bedroom.

"Listen, I didn't tell you because-"

"It was our case, Alex. I should've been there with you and Kara! You didn't even tell me that you had him. This morning I made myself crazy because I thought he'd still be out there, killing one of my friends!" Maggie's voice was sharp as a knife, cutting through every word Alex tried to say.

"I'm sorry Maggie-"

"Yeah you should be! Kara was injured by a frag, don't you think I didn't want to be there for her, too? Do you really think I don't care about her at all?"

"Maggie-"

"This, makes me so angry Alex. We're supposed to be a team, at work and in private and you let me down twice yesterday."

Alex stayed still for a moment while the words sank in. What kind of wise elder sister was she to tell Kara to do something she wasn't so good at doing either. This wasn't the first time she hid something from Maggie.

"I wanted you to be safe. Okay? I wanted you to have a nice birthday party with your friends that's why I didn't tell you about the operation in the first place. You would've wanted to come with us, leaving your birthday preparations and eventually getting yourself injured. I got knocked out the second I got there, and I have a pretty nasty concussion because of it and just the thought what that guy could've done to you..."

"I thought we would've been clear about those things. It's my work and I do what I gotta do. Fear is something that tears us apart when we don't talk about it Alex. Don't ever hide something like that from me again, you hear me?"

Maggie's tone was harsh and Alex could not only see, but feel the hurt controlling her form and she was so helpless. She knew Maggie was right, the voice of reason that usually led her was a valuable thing, but right now, she felt just miserable.

"You're right Maggie. I'm sorry."

"Just so you know... I would've wanted to be there just to have an eye on you, too... can't stand the thought of you getting hurt either." Maggie whispered slowly tugging Alex into a soothing hug. "How's your head?"

"I've got a nice bulge that made it nearly impossible to sleep on my back last night and sometimes I feel a bit dizzy and nauseous... nothing special, really, it's just a concussion." Alex whispered back. She loved the feeling of Maggie's firm body in her arms and she knew this discussion could've been very different, would've been very different with anyone else. She was lucky enough to have someone as understanding as Maggie.

"You should go to bed and rest, really."

"Nah, I've been through worse. There are still some people I haven't met yet, so we should go and talk to them." Alex pulled herself out of Maggie's arms and stroked her cheek before leaning in to kiss her girlfriend. It was short and innocent, a quick thank-you-for-being-this-wonderful-kiss that was gladly returned.

 

 

 

Hours later, way after midnight, the doorbell rang again and Maggie, who was already drunk by now, was very surprised to find a certain CEO at her door.

"Wow, hey, wow I didn't think you'd come!" Maggie slurred, instantly pulling Lena in a very heartfelt hug.

"Yeah I got caught up at work, but I thought being late would be better than not coming at all so... happy birthday Maggie." Lena smiled, holding up a bottle of scotch. "I heard you and Alex fighting about scotch last time and, obviously, she hasn't had a really good one before, so here's how you could convince her."

"Oh my god Lena, you can't be serious? This stuff is so expensive!"

"Never mind, just let me witness Alex drinking it for the first time, deal?" Lena answered with a wink, being very satisfied with the hearts in Maggie's eyes when she hugged her again.

"Oh my god, this must be a dream? Is it... can it be true? The one and only Lena Luthor out of her office? This must be a dream." Kara's voice came from the other side of the room. She'd been sitting on the couch, but tried to pull herself up by grabbing a strangers arm, who obviously didn't expected it. The both of them landed on the floor with Kara giggling like a little school girl.

"Is... is she drunk?" Lena asked, looking at Maggie, who just shrugged with a giggle.

"It's special stuff for aliens, so you better don't try any of it!" Maggie replied, giggling when she felt Alex suddenly smacking a sloppy kiss on her cheek before pulling Lena into a hug as well. The CEO figured they had a little to much as well.

"Help yourself, beer's over there as well as wine. The hard stuff is there." Maggie's hand pointed around the room and Lena was utterly confused where to find anything.

Suddenly she felt a breeze followed by a knocked down plate next to her.

"Ooooopsie, my fault, didn't see the sideboard coming. Sorry Maggie, sorry... Maggie?" Kara slurred, but Maggie and Alex were very busy kissing each other. "Anyways, I've got your beer gorgeous, that's the one you like, isn't it?"

Lena had to chuckle at the sight of a drunken Kara holding her favourite beer in her hands. Not just one bottle, but a total of four.

"That's uh... thanks... Kara." Lena smiled, taking all four of them. She parked three on the sideboard and just went for the bottle opener when, a second later, she felt another breeze and her bottle was already open.

"Sorry, I'm not used to being drunk, was that too fast? I'm not really sure right now how... uh... how fast I am." Kara murmured with a very, very sweet tone of utter confusion. "By the way, you're so pretty Lena, even now, I mean especially now, you actually always look so... soooo pretty, it's... sometimes I just cannot even believe how pretty you are."

Lena felt herself blush really hard, she wanted to say something, but her lips only opened without a tone coming out. She wasn't used to get compliments, particularly not from Kara, her Kara. Her Supergirl, the most beautiful woman in the galaxy.

"Uh... uhm... thank you." she replied. A look around the room told her she definitely wasn't drunk enough for this. There were only a few people left, most of them, as Lena managed to notice after a while, were aliens. Drunk aliens that couldn't care less whether Kara Danvers had special powers or not.

"We're a team. You and me Lena." Kara slurred with an oblivious smile on her face. It was absolutely adorable. "And as a team, we should be equally drunk, so go for it!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … to be continued. Ohhhh I had so much fun writing this :) I hope you had equally fun reading it!
> 
> I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again, because on Tuesday I'm back at university and then I'll be way too stressed to write anything. We'll see. Hope you have a nice day and better weather than me!


	13. Possibilities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, yeah... I knoooow it's been a while, SORRY! University just hit me right in the face this semester and I was completely stressed (in fact I still am, I should actually read Foucault instead of writing this...). So I received several messages since this story went "on air" and I found myself thinking I would like to stick to the original story I had in mind rather than trying to make it right for everybody. That doesn't mean I don't value the comments! (Because I do!) Now, have fun following this journey :)
> 
> PS: It's about 4 in the morning in Germany and I'm VERY tired, so please excuse any mistakes ;)

"Attention, everyone! Let me..." Alex yelled while raising her glass. "I'd like to make a toast... to my wonderful Detective Maggie Sawyer, National City's bravest and greatest Detective, a friend to us all, a supporter and a loving and caring partner. I am the happiest person alive to have found you. You showed me, not just how gay I am, but also how it feels to be in a healthy and loving relationship. I'm grateful to be able to wake up next to you and to find comfort and sleep in your arms. I'm in for the long run my dear, until my dying day. I love you!"

Lena knew Alex was drunk, but her words came out surprisingly sober. A smile had crept on her face the second Alex started to speak. It was heart-warming to listen to her, to watch how touched Maggie was and how they held hands the entire speech. The couple shared a kiss with applause and Lena's head turned around, fully expecting to see an excited Kara, but the blonde's face was far from looking overly happy. She clapped her hands while gazing on the floor, a half-hearted smile on her lips.

For a second, Lena was tempted to say something, but her gut told her it was probably a bad idea. Kara would come and talk to her anyway, would she? They would have the big talk tomorrow over a nice self-cooked dinner and a glass of very expensive wine. But maybe, just maybe it was a bad sign, maybe Kara was thinking about their future together and came to the conclusion that they'd never have a happily ever after, that they'd never be like Alex and Maggie.

She felt Kara shifting, before the blonde took her hand in hers and pulled her up.

"We should get some fresh air." she mumbled. Lena stayed silent until they entered Alex's balcony, still hearing the applause and cheers coming out of the living room.

"They look happy." Lena smiled. She took a sip of her beer as her gaze lingered on the happy couple inside.

"I've never seen Alex like this before." Kara's voice had changed. A few minutes ago she'd been ridiculously flirting with Lena, but now she sounded hurt.

"Oh no, don't tell me you're one of those people that get upset when they'd been thinking." Lena tried to cheer her up and eventually, after seconds of questioning whether she said the wrong things or not, Kara's lips turned into a smile again.

"I guess I do. God you're right, I'm one of those pathetic drunks that begrudge other people's luck." she said with a sad chuckle while she shook her head, maybe a little too much.

It was a rather odd look, almost amusing, but Lena tried to hide her smile. She didn't want to offend the blonde.

"Are you... you're laughing at me, aren't you?" Kara asked with a chuckle. It was then that Lena Luthor realized that drunk Kara Danvers was simply unpredictable.

"Okay, yes I do. I'm sorry... you know what? No, I'm not sorry, because you just look breathtakingly beautiful when you smile. Even more when you're drunk."

"My... is that... is that a compliment?"

"You could say that, yes." Lena answered with an even brighter smile. They stayed like this for a while. Kara had her elbows on the railing, but her eyes where on her, bright and shiny with amusement in them. Lena only broke their gaze twice for finishing her beer.

"Okay. So we have the big talk tomorrow, yes?" she asked while putting the bottle away.

"Yes, we do."

"So, no need to overthink anything now or to worry about what lies ahead of us?"

"That's the plan, isn't it?" Kara answered. She withdrew from the railing and turned to fully face the brunette. Her eyes were full of questions as Lena took a step towards her.

"So I can kiss you now and pretend I don't feel this weird painful sting in my chest."

"Funny you mention that, because I have a weird painful sting in my chest, too." Kara's voice was low as they stood close to each other and it oddly reminded Lena of the last moment she'd shared with her brother Lex, right before he went into prison. She tried to push that memory away, tried to focus on this moment right here with Kara, but it only left her even more confused.

"Just tell me you're willing to try... that's all I need." Lena whispered. It took her a few seconds, but the blonde eventually nodded before hesitatingly leaning in. Her arms reached around Lena's waist, but only to meet the cold steel behind her. The brunette felt the railing in her back before Kara's bodyweight pressed into her, her mouth just inches away from hers.

"I'll try if you promise to do the same for me." Kara's breath hit her face as bold lips stroked hers in an ever so slowly teasing move. She was surprised to feel how satisfied she was with those light touches though. Kara was not just teasing her, she understood the next second. The blonde's lips lingered lightly above hers, slowly, but patiently seeking the touch to fully worship the moment. Kara was telling her that they had time. Time to reach out for each other, time to get used to another, time to overcome their fears, together.

"I will." Lena whispered between their soft kisses. "I promise, I'm not giving up on you."

Her hands searched their way around Kara's neck, softly playing with blonde locks as they continued kissing.

 

 

 

Alex watched the sunrise on her balcony all by herself. Maggie had gone to bed and Kara and Lena passed out on the couch after the last round of a stupid drinking game they'd been playing. Alex tried very hard to get the image of Kara curled up against Lena out of her head. She enjoyed another glass of scotch with the nice view of sunlit roofs.

Something inside her was completely split. Seeing Kara heading down the road that lead away from her was painful in so many ways. She should be happy for her and for herself, too. She had Maggie and Maggie was her future. She hadn't been lying when she said she was in for the long run and Maggie wasn't the second choice. She hated to think of Maggie being a second choice, because she was perfect and she deserved to be everybody's first choice.

A noise inside made her turn around and she saw that Lena was lying on the couch by herself now, but the door to the bathroom was open. It sounded very much like vomiting.

Alex thought Kara would go straight back to the couch after she left the bathroom, but she joined her on the balcony instead.

"I didn't even know I was capable of vomiting. It's disgusting!" she mumbled.

"Welcome to the real world. I hope you'll get a hangover, too!" Alex chuckled, nudging the blonde's shoulder.

"Thank you, I might remember this next time you need to pick up a garden bench from the hardware store. Good luck with transporting it all by yourself!"

"You'd never let me do that all by myself" Alex laughed.

"Sure I will. You're on your own now." Kara replied with a smile, but it soon faded away as Alex refused to answer.

It was meant as a joke, Alex knew that, but she could clearly see two things in Kara's eyes right after this: Realization first and then, a flash of hurt.

She took a deep breath, slowly leaning back and facing the nice view in front of her.

"I'm getting tired of this." she eventually said with a sigh. "I'm ready for things to be easy for once. Just for... for a little while. That would be nice."

"I'm sorry Alex, this is all my fault. I forced this topic on us, things wouldn't be so complicated if I'd never-"  
"It's not your fault." Alex interrupted. She didn't move, didn't even turn to look at the blonde. "It's nobody's fault Kara. Feelings just happen and it's our decision to act on them or not and we've made a decision."

"You've made a decision!" Kara blurted out. It was obvious that she regretted her words half a second later as Alex turned around to face her in disbelief of what she just had heard.

"Now wait a minute, I had to make this decision, I had no choice!" Alex replied and she felt the words slip out in a much more angrier way than she wanted. Kara just looked at her and it was nearly impossible to see what was going on inside her.

"I didn't want to face a possibility Kara, because there shouldn't be one. We shouldn't even talk about this." she whispered.

"Well... no possibilities then." Kara answered with a calmness in her voice that was thoroughly foreign.

"No possibilities for us." Alex emphasized the last two words with a sharp voice. Clearly, it was the alcohol that had made them act this rough, she knew it. They'd never talk to each other like this under normal circumstances.

"For us." Kara repeated. They stayed in silence for another few seconds until Kara eventually rose, turning to leave.

"I'm sorry..." Alex whispered hurriedly, just before the blonde could reach for the door. "I'm sorry I'm talking to you like this..."

"It's alright. This topic is just... it's poison for us and it's something we can't even change, so why keep making it a problem?"

"Now you're the one making decisions out of reason..." Alex said. She lifted her glass and finished her scotch, while Kara watched her every move.

"I hate to fight with you..." the blonde said with a pleading voice and now she sounded much more like the Kara Alex knew.

"I hate it, too. You're right... it's poison." she whispered before getting up. "And I won't let that destroy us." Alex turned to place a kiss on Kara's cheek that lingered just a second longer than she had intended.

 

Minutes later, Kara felt Lena's breath on her neck after the brunette's arms had welcomed her back. It had always been an odd thing to share a bed with anyone that was not Alex, but for the first time in years, Kara managed to revel in the feeling of a warm presence next to her and she admitted to herself, once again, that she wanted to be with Lena, too. The decisions she and Alex had made had led them right to this moment and Kara felt like belonging here, very, very much.


	14. New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, we're getting closer to the end. I guess it'll be about two or three more chapters and then we're done. I hope you stay with me until the end (although I've already revealed a bit about the ending). Also, I should warn you about the upcoming rated M contents in this chapter and the next, so if you're underage, you've been warned twice ;)

Kara woke up early. She still felt dizzy and tired, just wanting to go back to sleep when she realized that Lena was gone. A second later, she heard the brunette moving behind the couch.

"Lena?"

"Shoot... sorry, I didn't want to wake you up." Lena whispered.

"I've expected several things, but you sneaking out on me wasn't on the list." Kara replied, sitting up to look at the brunette. She looked gorgeous. Her hair was messy around her shoulders and her make up was almost gone, but to Kara she still looked like a goddess.

"You weren't supposed to see me like this."

"Uhm... I guess it's not the last time I see you like this... I hope... unless you're planning on breaking up with me later at dinner, then of course, I wouldn't."

"Breaking up?" Lena replied and the smile that formed on her lips was almost a bit seductive. "I didn't know we were a thing yet?"

"We kissed an spend the night together..." Kara mumbled. She felt a flutter in her chest at those words. Lena's chuckle that followed shortly after, made it only worse.

"How about we explore this topic a little further tonight?" The smile she carried on her lips never left as she walked past the couch and over to the door.

"So... you don't wanna be my girlfriend?"

"That's not what I meant Kara." Lena whispered as she slipped into her shoes.

Kara went over to her as the funny feeling in her chest wouldn't go away. It was an odd mixture between happiness and worry that cut her breaths short.

"Just say you will consider it." she whispered as she tried to get closer, but Lena took a step away from her.

"I've already made my decision, but I'd like to kiss you with all I have the moment we make it official and I have this disgusting taste in my mouth right now and I'm pretty sure I still smell like beer and Strawberry vodka."

Kara couldn't help but smile at the tremendous amount of happiness that flooded her body. It was an odd feeling that she hadn't felt for anybody that was not...

But Lena was so wonderful and she wanted this so much.

"Strawberry doesn't sound so bad... My place or yours?" she asked, realizing that they didn't even talk about the details.

"My place at 6? I'll cook."

"Good... then I'll bring the wine."

"You're sweet..." Lena said with a chuckle before she finally opened the door to take a step into the hallway. "But I'll blow you away with my expertise of picking the right wine for dinner... you'll see..."

Just the way she said it, with that twinkle in her eyes and her voice, very much lower than usual made Kara shiver a bit. She couldn't even form a sentence, only showing an oblivious smile.

 

 

When Alex finally managed to get out of bed, she found the apartment empty, but all cleaned up and she wondered with a smile how in gods name Kara managed to do this without waking them up.

She made her way to the kitchen, gasping when she saw pancakes on the kitchen counter and a piece of paper with Kara's handwriting on it.

"Make yourself a nice morning with Maggie. You deserve it. Love, Kara."

A smile tugged at Alex's mouth. Remembering their conversation from last night send a bitter sting into her chest though. She'd seen them cuddling on the sofa... seen them kissing and acting like a real couple last night and she knew the die was cast. Kara had made her decision, she would be with Lena and Alex would find a way to live with it. Deep down Alex knew that her relationship with Kara would suffer, but at the same time she was sure that their unique bond would hold them together, always.

"I can feel you thinking." Maggie whispered from behind. As Alex turned around, she felt herself smile at the sight of Maggie's fragile form, wearing one of her shirts and just panties.

"You look beautiful." she whispered.

"It's okay Alex, I've forgiven you. You don't have to apologize with compliments and pancakes. Although... are those with apples?"

"Yep."

"Forget I said anything then."

They exchanged smiles as Maggie walked around the counter to take her into her arms. Alex relaxed against her, sighing when she buried her nose into Maggie's brown locks.

"You still smell like strawberry vodka." she whispered into her ear.

"Then we should take a shower together..." Maggie whispered back, sending a jolt to Alex's centre. A minute ago she'd been almost starving, but the hunger was gone now, replaced by a sudden need.

Maggie withdrew. With swinging hips she walked over to the bathroom and Alex was frozen when her girlfriend took off the shirt and threw it to the ground. As Maggie reached the door she got rid of her panties, but she didn't turn around to reveal the full view of her beauty.

"You coming?"

 

 

When Kara got home, she had a massage on her answering machine. With superspeed, she hit the play button and changed her clothes.

"Hey honey, it's me. I just heard about you and Lena, it's everywhere on the news. How're you feeling? It's such a bad article, you won't believe what I've heard people saying in the streets. I'm really worried, please call me back. I love you!"

Hearing Eliza's voice was just what she'd needed right now. She picked up the phone, dialling the number she was sure she'd never forget.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me. I got your message."

"Kara! It's good to hear your voice. Did you just come home?"

"Yes, uch, you won't believe how bad my week was! I got fired and got hit by a frag while hunting down a super cyborg-villian from Cadmus that has been stabbing aliens with pipes. Mon-El tried to get back together with me and then the thing with Lena started and we also had some trouble and now it's... kind of... we're kind of together now..."

"Oh honey, that's wonderful! I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks... and... uh... Alex and I we had... kind of..."

 

 

Alex pinned Maggie against the tiles, claiming her body with more force than the brunette had expected. She felt the surprise that ran through her fragile form, as she entered her. It was passionate and needy and Alex just realized that it had been a few days since they'd done this. A few days that had changed so much for them. Alex tried to shove the memory away, all those things that had been going on in her mind came back with force to haunt her again, just as she felt Maggie's fingernails in her shoulder. They would go rough today.

Alex had to close her eyes. The water poured down on them and the air was sticky and moist as they'd been standing under she shower for quite a while now. She was already getting worked up by Maggie's moans and the feeling of her tightness, the way her body moved against her in pure need. She loved Maggie's body and even more touching it.

 

 

"Oh you two had a fight?"

"More of an argument I guess..." Kara mumbled. She lay down on her couch, holding the phone close to her ear, even though she had a highly sensitive hearing. She wanted to talk about it with someone and Eliza was the second person on this planet she would trust with any secret, but the thing... with Alex... she was sure Eliza wouldn't understand it.

"We never spoke to each other like that... it was so... I mean we talked about it again and apologized both and it's kind of okay now..."

"That doesn't sound like it's okay at all honey."

"I know... guess we have to stick with it for a while now..." Kara mumbled. She could clearly hear the worry in Eliza's voice and instantly felt guilty for bringing it up.

"You want to tell me what it was that you've been fighting about?"

Kara hesitated, taking a deep breath while she thought of an honest answer that wouldn't give anything away.

"Maybe another time... It's... I'm not quite sure what exactly it is myself, so... we'll get along, please don't worry!"

 

 

Maggie broke their rhythm, her moves were erratic now and Alex could feel the sting in her shoulders as her girlfriend's hands grabbed her even harder. She tried so hard to focus on this moment, focus on Maggie's skin under her lips and teeth, on the delicate slick wetness pooling around her hand and their breaths and moans that filled the air. She was so aroused, but she couldn't fully concentrate on it.

"Alex." Maggie whispered. Her hands finally left her shoulder, one cupping her cheek, the other stilling her hand.

"Look at me."

Alex did what she was asked for. She didn't know what it was that Maggie saw on her face.

"You're a million light years away."

"I'm..."

 

 

"There won't be a day where I'm not worried about my two little girls." Eliza said and it made Kara's heart warm with a feeling of home and belonging. Suddenly, she wished she could get back to her teenage live. Living with Alex and Eliza in their house, not having to worry about being a superhero or paying the rent... just getting up in the morning to see them both in the kitchen for a chatter-filled breakfast. It made her feel homesick.

"Tell me about Lena. How is she?"

The question got her off guard. It took her a while to get out of the memories and back into the present.

"She's..." she started, imagining Lena's face and the feeling of lying in her arms last night. "Beautiful... and so smart, like super smart! And funny and spontaneous and brave... she's just... a wonderful person. You'll love her!"

 

 

"I was just thinking..."

"Yeah I could tell. Thinking while fucking is never a good thing Alex." Maggie other hand came up to stroke her cheek and Alex almost burst out into tears.

"Talk to me."

Alex searched Maggie's face for anything helpful, but her thoughts were so confused, they didn't even make sense anymore. So she relied on her feelings and found the only thing thing there, of which she was truly sure.

"I love you." she whispered. For a few seconds, the look on Maggie's face stayed frozen, only her chest was rising and falling and the water kept pouring down on them and Alex suddenly realized that the continuous patter slowly started to hurt on her skin.

"I love you, too. Very much... so... much. But something's going on with you and I'm worried."

"Don't be. I just... I was thinking... about...uh...you should move in with me."

 

 

"She sounds like a wonderful young lady!"

"She is... I'm seeing her tonight for dinner and I'm so ridiculously nervous... It's... all so new and exciting and I have no clue what to wear later!"

"If she's half as much into you as you are into her, I'm sure she'll love whatever you're wearing honey." Eliza chuckled. It made Kara chuckle, too. More so because she actually had been worried how Eliza would react on her suddenly being with a woman, too.

"Thanks... mom."

"You'll be fine and Alex will be, too. Whatever it is, I'm sure it can't break the bond between the two of you, you'll see."

"Thanks... that coming from you means a lot to me." Kara almost whispered. She wasn't sure what she felt right now, but she was sure about one thing: She wanted to be with Lena and just the memory of kissing her last night on the balcony made her feel those butterflies in her tummy again. She would dress to kill tonight.


	15. Living the present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took me long enough... sorry for the long wait again. RL is just fucking with me right now...  
> Anyways, this is going to be rated M, just to be sure. We're just one step away from the end...  
> But don't be sad, cause the sequel is coming AND I'm working on another Supercorp mini-chapter-story, so there will be plenty for everybody ;)  
> Hope you enjoy this! Please listen to "Etta James – At last" while reading this, or afterwards ;)

"I have to think about this Alex." Maggie whispered. They were still under the shower and Alex just couldn't believe she'd just asked Maggie this question. She'd been thinking about moving in together a few days ago, before the whole thing started. She'd meant to ask Maggie the day Kara left Mon-El and then she had to take care of Kara and the question suddenly seemed not so very important anymore.

"We're practically living together. "

"Actually living together is a whole other thing! I... I don't even know where this comes from right now."

"I've wanted to ask you several times, but never really had the guts to..."

"And you thought it was a good idea to ask this while we're having sex in the shower?"

"You wanted to know what was going on." Maggie softly shoved her away. Alex could see from the look in her eyes that she didn't believe her.

"You know it's not true. Don't do that Alex. Don't lie to me."

Alex tried to say something, but found herself unable to form words. There were no words to describe the trouble she felt.

"Say it. It's because of Kara." Maggie whispered, so softly that Alex barely heard it under the constant patter of the shower.

"But... Maggie..."

"There's no sense in hiding it. I know it."

"But it doesn't matter Maggie! I chose you! I chose to spend the rest of my life with you if you'll have me. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I need to wake up next to you every morning. I want to be your home, because that's what you are to me. Home. I want to share everything I have with you."

"But I'll always have to share your heart with her."

For a moment, they just looked at each other and Alex could see the doubt in Maggie's eyes.

"This is not about Kara and you know it! You're afraid, that's just you not being comfortable with big decision like this. I get that you need time to think about this, take it, all the time you need. I'll wait." Alex replied. It wasn't meant to sound harsh and she didn't want to start a fight, but she knew that Maggie felt hurt.

"Listen... I'm not mad if you don't want to move in with me... but maybe you can just think about it a bit? Sometime later? Because I really want this." she said, pointing between them. "All of it."

"I'll better go know..." was all Maggie could say. Alex still felt the hurtful patter of the shower after she'd heard Maggie leave.

 

 

After running around her flat for what felt like hours of searching the right dress, Kara finally made her decision. She had, indeed dressed to kill and wasn't sure it was maybe a bit too much. She was in a sleeveless short navy-blue dress that went well with her eyes and her make up. Another look in the mirror made her hesitate again. It was a bit too much. What kind of message would she sent out tonight?

Her phone vibrated and she was relieved when she saw it was a message from Lena.

'Just to be sure, casual stuff or dressed up?'

'I already dressed up, so... no time to change anyway.' she replied with a smile on her lips. Thinking about a dressed up Lena made her feel warm in a way that was thoroughly new.

'Good, I can't wait to see you.'

 

 

Alex fell on the couch after she'd stopped by at the DEO, even though it was her day off. She'd had a day full of training just to get rid of the worried feeling that lingered in her chest, but it didn't go away. She hadn't eaten, hadn't heard from Maggie or Kara and she was in desperate need of company.

That was when her doorbell rang and she almost fell off the sofa as she felt her arms giving away from the hard training.

"I'm on my way!" she yelled when the bell rang a second time and was surprised to find Maggie standing at her door.

"Hey..." she whispered, opening the door to let her girlfriend in. She wanted to pull her into her arms and kiss her and never let her leave again, but thought it might wasn't such a good idea.

Maggie closed the door behind her and clearly struggled for words. They'd been through a lot together, but seeing Maggie like this was scaring the hell out of her.

"Please say something..." Alex whispered, her voice breaking away as she tried to hide the hurt.

"I'm sorry. You were right, I was scared. I still am scared, because I love you so much and this whole thing has been too good to be true so far. I've been searching for the one thing that could destroy us just to be prepared in the end and we both know, it is Kara. I thought about it and I realized that it's a variable I cannot completely count in and that not everything can be controlled. It's... I feel weak when I can't control everything and I hate being weak... I wasn't fair to you and I put pressure on you with the whole Kara thing. As you said, it's your decision and feelings can't be controlled. I respect that and I'll try to get more comfortable with it as best as I can."

"Maggie..."

"I'd like to move in with you. I'd like to be your home as you are mine Alex."

 

 

"You look absolutely stunning!" Lena gasped when she let Kara into her apartment. The navy blue dress was a sensation, only topped by the view of her long, muscular legs that walked across the room.

Her cheeks were flushed when she turned around to look at Lena. A shy smile tugged at her lips and she looked like a true goddess then.

"Thanks... your stunningly beautiful as well... I mean you're always... you..." Kara's voice broke away and Lena absolutely enjoyed the effect she had on the blonde when she came closer and tenderly stroked up her arm. The innocent contact made those beautiful blue eyes hide themselves under half closed lids when she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on the blonde's lips. It reminded them of their first kiss a few nights before. It was lingering, but over way too soon. Although it was a simple greeting kiss, it left Kara breathless as Lena withdrew to look at her with what seemed to be a look of pure seduction.

 

 

Alex found herself in such a tender embrace that she felt tempted to just let herself fully sink into her girlfriend. It almost broke their passionate kiss when she pulled Maggie backwards to the bed. Her muscles were sore, her legs almost shaking with the last bit of energy she had left, but she wouldn't stop kissing and touching Maggie. Hands impetuously unbuttoned shirts and tugged at jackets, moans escaped their lips as they finally reached the edge of the bed.

Alex gladly let herself sink into the mattress, sighing as she felt Maggie straddling her. She wanted to sit up, but her muscles wouldn't let her. Maggie sensed it, of course, she gave Alex room to position herself properly on the bed and went to hover over her.

"Someone spend her day off training at the DEO I guess?" she whispered in between kisses and a chuckle left her as she felt how her girlfriends body finally relaxed.

"I had a lot frustration to get rid off." Alex smiled against Maggie's lips. She wanted to please her so badly, to fully show her how deeply attracted she was to her. She needed Maggie to know that she meant the world to her.

Maggie's lips were soft against hers. It was lingering and passionate and it felt like they'd been apart for ages. Everything came down to this very moment and they finally were able to just enjoy the tender way their bodies warmly touched and moved against each other. Alex's mind was thoroughly in the present, here with her beautiful Maggie, her partner in crime, her friend and lover and companion that she was determined to keep close forever.

"I have to get rid off a lot frustration, too." Maggie panted as her shirt was finally gone and Alex was already tugging at her pants.

"I could help with that."

 

 

"You're an amazing cook and the wine... the wine was..."  
"I told you, didn't I?" Lena smiled. She rose from her chair and pulled Kara up with her. For a moment, Kara just didn't know what exactly Lena had in mind, but when she felt the brunette's arms around her waist, she instantly knew her intention was to dance with her. Just then she realized the music playing in the background and she relaxed fully into Lena's arms.

"Nina Simone, isn't it?"

"Close, it's Etta James. At last... I thought it was... kind of fitting..." Lena said and her voice was filled with a happiness that Kara felt in her chest so deeply, she thought she might explode.

"It's beautiful..." she smiled back and for a moment they just enjoyed each other and the music while their cheeks softly touched and Kara could feel Lena's tender embrace so intensely that she was sure her cheeks were red as a tomato.

"I thought... because that night we first kissed... we danced, too..." Lena whispered in her ear. Just for a second Kara felt a panic rise in her chest at the sudden realization that all of this felt just too good to be true. She was tempted to withdraw from the CEO, but listening to Etta James and feeling Lena in her arms calmed her down a bit.

"I know... it's... it's a perfect date Lena, really. All of this is amazing..."

"But?"

They kept dancing and it was Lena's secure touch that washed away the doubt.

"I never want this to end."

 

 

Maggie grabbed the headboard before she fell against it. Her head was facing down and she saw that Alex's eyes were closed as her tongue did pure magic to her. She reached for her girlfriend's hand that was tenderly stroking her breast and entangled their fingers before bringing them up to kiss the knuckles.

She was close and it had been so long since they'd done this. She didn't want to come too fast, but Alex was relentless, not even stopping when Maggie tried to move her pelvis away. Alex's hands just grabbed her hips with force to keep her in position and it was just a matter of very long seconds that Maggie spend wigging and whimpering, helplessly grabbing the headboard as she bit into the flesh of her arm. The build up was strong and needy and Alex's tongue worked without rush, slowly and deeply enough to drag it out until Maggie was sure she couldn't take it anymore.

"God... I can't... Alex... I..."

 

 

"So... are we having the big talk now?" Kara asked when the song ended. It was followed by an equally beautiful piece and Lena kept swinging to the beat.

"I knew from the moment I met you that you would change my life for good... I'd never even dared to wish for such a good companion, but now that I have you in my arms, I never want to let you go again. I'm difficult, we're difficult, but I'm willing to never stop trying to be a better person for you. So... Kara Zor-El... will you be my girlfriend?" Lena said and it was clear from the shakiness in her voice that the emotions that went through her were as deep as Kara's.

"I'd love to..." Kara whispered back, her smile mirrored on the brunette's lips.

"Then we have nothing else to talk about..." Lena replied before kissing the blonde, just as promised, with everything she had.


	16. How to trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You people, it's been a real pleasure to work on this story. I'm so grateful for the feedback and the views!
> 
> Special thanks to my dear friend Sam for randomly finding and reading this story and talking with me about it over a couple of beers in our favourite bar in P-Town.
> 
> To Nini, who just started watching Supergirl and will read this at some point in the future. I'd love to see the surprised smile on your pretty face, when you realize that I mentioned you here :)
> 
> To Sarah, the most wonderful companion anyone could ever wish for. I treasure every second with you (even though it doesn't seem like it most of the time). You've shown me that love trumps even the darkest corner of our minds and that it can be so much more than just a romance. I'm glad you found an interest in this story. Please remember that I deeply love you, in the darkest of hours and the brightest of days.
> 
> To everyone else reading this: Thanks for sticking around, seriously! It means a lot.

Kara was nervous. She lay next to Lena on the couch, it was shortly before midnight and they were watching a horror movie, but Kara just couldn't concentrate on it. A part of her deeply hoped that it would be a quiet night, that Supergirl wasn't needed. The thought kept pulling at her over the last few hours, a constant expectation that her phone would ring any minute.

"You're awfully nervous.." Lena asked, slowly stroking her abdomen while her head was rested on the blonde's shoulder. Being this close to the brunette was, of course, thrilling enough.

"Sorry... It's... I'm really not used to having a night off..." She replied. She enjoyed the closeness, revelled in the feeling of the warm body next to her, but she couldn't help but feel restless. Something was just not as right as it should be. "I'm just afraid we get interrupted again."

"It's not like we're doing anything special right now..."

Lena's face was directed at the television, but just a second later their eyes met and Kara knew exactly where they were heading. She felt her heart beating like a drum and wasn't sure whether it was a good sign or a bad one.

"I'd hate to go now..." she whispered, leaning in despite the unwell feeling in her chest. Their kiss was deep and passionate and none of them cared for the movie anymore. Lena's hand moved around her waist to pull her closer and just as Kara felt the need to straddle the brunette, she felt the panic rise in her chest again. She pulled away a bit too fast.

"I uh... I need to go to the bathroom..."

 

 

Alex and Maggie lay in the dark, naked and fully entangled under the covers. They'd fallen into an easy silence, only listening to their still laboured breaths.

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"I'll need an extra office room..." Maggie whispered against her girlfriend's neck. Her nose was deep in the agent's hair, smelling her unique scent. "And a balcony. Separate kitchen and a window in the bathroom."

"As long as we share a bedroom, I'm fine." Alex chuckled. Her hand was already back on Maggie's breast. It was something that Maggie had to get used to at the beginning. Alex would sometimes just touch her intimate zones without any sexual intention. Being touched this casually was an odd feeling, but she grew to like it very much. It had changed the way she felt her body, it was casual, but sensitive and deeply soothing.

"So... we're doing this, right?" Maggie asked while her nose stroked over Alex's cheek. She placed soft kisses over the agent's face, always enjoying the feeling of their mixed breaths. "We're building a future for us? A real one... with the possibilities of marriage and kids and stuff?"

Alex felt herself still for a moment, but she got out of her shock before Maggie could notice. Marriage and children... those were things she hadn't thought about before. At least, never seriously enough. But with Maggie, those things seemed less scaring and more appealing to her.

"Some day... maybe..." she whispered back against Maggie's lips before placing a determined kiss on them.

"Sounds good to me..."

It was the way Maggie smiled at her that always got her hypnotized. She couldn't believe the beauty in front of her, the tenderness that radiated from her and the fact that all of it was hers and she would give herself to this woman as well. She would give everything she had and hoped that it would ever be enough.

 

 

"Okay, so... you've been practically running away from me over the past few hours. May I ask what's wrong?" Lena asked in her usual direct way after the blonde had returned from the bathroom.

"It's not your fault Lena..."

"I know. It's your problem, but we're a couple now so it's mine, too."

"You really wanna know?"

"I asked, did I?"

"Maybe, just maybe, I don't want you to be hurt. Maybe I value you so much, I'd like to have you by my side for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll be dead next week? Maybe you and I live a wonderful life for the next ten years and just find ourselves being strangers to each other one day. Maybe one of us falls in love with someone else someday or maybe some crazy psycho villain finds out about us and kills you just to get to me. You get my point?" Kara's voice was loud and anyone else might've thought it sounded angry, but Lena clearly heard the desperation in it. A part of herself was just devastated by the simple fact that Kara did it again. They'd promised to try and just 24 hours later, they found themselves in the same position again. Nothing had changed.

"Yes I do. I understand that your problem is that you live in constant fear of losing everything and everyone, except for your precious Alex, who seems to be like some goddess to you. Your thoughts are always in the future, but the future is unwritten. Worrying about it only makes you lose the present. "

Lena saw in slow motion how Kara's fist bumped into her dresser, effortlessly breaking the wood.

"You think I want to do this? What you're asking for is just not possible! Nobody can stay in the present! What do you expect from me? I lost my HOMEPLANET, my FAMILY! The good and normal life I would've had there. I would've been normal. And instead... Instead I cannot even be angry without breaking things into pieces. I literally cannot have sex without breaking the headboard or ripping the sheets, you know that? Once I broke a guys arm during an orgasm, sounds like fun huh? I can never be at ease. Do you have any idea how it feels to always have to control yourself?"

Kara's words hit her so hard that Lena had trouble forming a coherent sentence. Guilt flashed through her, filled her with a force she'd never experienced before. They were stuck in a circle of hurting each other and Lena desperately wished for breaking out of it.

"I didn't know that."

"No you didn't. You're not the only one with a cruel past and a constant curse on your back. And before you start blaming things on Alex again, let me tell you that she's truly the only one on this planet that has ever managed to make me feel normal."

Lena felt the hurt deep in her chest. The beauty of the evening shattered into a million pieces while she realized that they still had a long road to go. She deeply understood that trust issues needed time and the right person, but a trauma like the one Kara had been going through was something she didn't see coming, although it made perfect sense, now that the topic was in the air. Her anger had vanished and all that was left was the knowledge that none of them was alone anymore. They had each other and they would fight for the good thing they had.

"I'm sorry for blaming you..." Lena whispered after a moment of silence. She saw that Kara's face had changed. The anger was gone and instead she looked just like a helpless kid.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you... and for the dresser..." she finally murmured with sinking shoulders.

"Forget the dresser... you know... even I can't manage to stop craving things I don't have... To live in the moment... And your fears, all of them, are very reasonable. Such childhood traumas change us forever, but I think, we should try... at least... aim for the ten good years?"

It took her a moment, but Kara eventually looked at her again and her blue eyes were swimming with tears as she took a few steps towards the brunette.

"I lied when I said Alex was the only one who ever managed to make me feel normal..." A sad smile flashed over Kara's lips and it was all they needed at the moment. Lena's arms took her in a tight embrace and soon she felt the blonde relaxing into her.

"I'm not giving up on you." Lena whispered into her ear.

Lena felt the blonde's strong arms hesitatingly reach around her waist. She could tell Kara was afraid to hurt her and it was just another sign of the emotional chaos she must've gone through. Everything between them was so fragile, but she would protect and secure it.

Kara's lips pressed a soft kiss on her neck as Lena began to slowly ran her hand through the soft blonde hair, soothingly massaging the skin of her neck and just a second later, Kara's own hands began to explore the warm skin of Lena's back as her hands quickly shoved themselves under Lena's shirt. Still, it was far from being rushed. To Lena, the blonde's careful movements were just teasing and incredibly wonderful. Never in her life she'd been touched this carefully.

Kara's hands were on her ribcage as Lena eventually lost her patience and withdrew a bit to get rid off her shirt in one fluent movement. She'd half expected to see the flash of doubt in Kara's eyes that she'd seen so many times before, but the pair of blue eyes in front of her only showed a determination that was thoroughly new. They looked at each other like they'd never looked at anyone else before, deeply certain of what they were going to do and equally determined to lose themselves in it, because for the first time, they knew they could trust each other.

 

 

Alex was about to catch up on the reports when she heard Kara talking to J'onn outside of the lab. A strange feeling tugged at her chest as she remembered the picture of her dream from the night before. It was a vague memory, but there had been one thing she just couldn't get out of her head anymore. In her dream, she had been lying in Kara's bed, looking at the sleeping silhouette of her sister next to her. She couldn't tell if it was a real memory from the past that she had just unconsciously remembered last night or if it really had been just a dream, but it kept haunting her the whole day.

The air felt different and her coffee tasted different and somehow she felt like everything was about to change, as if she had woken up to a strange parallel universe. She knew that she'd never be sleeping in the same bed as Kara. She just knew it, because their lives had begun to change over night. She knew it when Kara wrote her a text message the night before, confirming that she indeed was in a relationship with Lena. An then, just a second later, Maggie had taken her into a tight embrace, ensuring her of the bright future they would have together. Maybe everything was just as it was supposed to be.

"Hey." Kara whispered, closing the door behind herself. She was in her Supergirl suit, looking just like the superhero she was, all strong and beautiful and brave and, somehow, shinier than usual.

"Someone had a special night?" Alex winked. They shared a radiating smile as Alex couldn't help but share Kara's happiness.

They looked and smiled at each other like they hadn't done in a long time. It was a glimpse of their bond, this thing between them, that would always remain the same, no matter how much the world around them changed.

"Maggie and I are going to move in together."

"That's great Alex!" Kara said and Alex knew it was an honest answer, because deep down she knew they loved each other so much, they would always value the other's feeling more than their own. Always.

Kara sat down next to her on the desk and took her hand in hers. It was a casual gesture, something they'd done so many times before, but it was different now in a way Alex couldn't explain. There was a softness in it, something that felt like gratitude.

"Remember when I said I don't know how to trust someone again?"

Alex nodded and suddenly, she felt a great warmth in her chest as Kara's other hand came up to cup her cheek.

"It was you Alex. You showed me how to do that. You taught me all these years and I just wasn't ready to see it until now. Thank you. I can never thank you enough for being there for me. I don't even wanna know what kind of person I would've become if you hadn't been around all these years."

"Kara..."

"I love you. In all ways anyone could ever love anyone else and even though everything is changing now, we'll be together. Right?"

Kara's eyes were shimmering with emotions as Alex stood up and took the blonde's face into hers.

"We'll always be together."

Alex leaned down to place a kiss on Kara's forehead. She felt the blonde's hands clinging onto her, just as they used to do when she shared a bed with Alex after a bad dream. They would keep getting older, but Alex knew this side of them would always remain.

"I'm proud of you..." Alex whispered as she wiped away tears of happiness on Kara's cheeks. "You and Lena, you'll have a great future together."

Kara was about to answer something, but she couldn't remember her words as she heard Winn speaking in her earphone.

"I gotta go kicking some bank robber's ass." she chuckled.

"Go get 'em Supergirl!" Alex replied. They withdrew from each other with a smile and just a second later, Kara was gone, only leaving a slight breeze that tickled Alex's cheek.

 

 

 

Lena was still in bed as she heard Supergirl landing on her balcony and it caused her lips to form a smile.

"Morning Sunshine." the blonde said as she threw herself onto the bed and Lena couldn't help but chuckle at it.

"I've expected a lot things, but you sneaking out on me wasn't on the list."

"What can I say, I had to rescue a man that was about to get killed by the mafia, I rescued several cats and crashed a bank robbery and still manage to lie in bed with my naked girlfriend. I would say I nailed it." Kara said before leaning in to kiss the brunette. Lena's hands reached around her girlfriend's strong shoulders to pull her closer as their kiss deepened.

"This is exactly how I've always imagined it."

"Imagined what?"

"Belonging to someone." Lena whispered. She felt the blonde's lips curling into a smile against hers and it caused her heart to flutter wildly.

"Get used to it."

They stayed in bed, only feeling each other and the bond between them, that grew stronger with every second. It wouldn't be easy and hurt would go alongside with their love, but they would make the best out of it. They would take risks in order to be happy and they wouldn't be afraid of something as pure and wonderful as love.

 

The End

Thanks for reading!


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